They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.
Lest we forget. ♥
I haven’t blogged in a while, been feeling sorry for myself over stuff. As is becoming the norm for this time of year, my schedule is ridiculously overloaded. I contemplated what I need to do between now and Yule and I just felt so overwhelmed by the enormity of it all.
As I drifted through the last few days, struggling to find my way, I felt myself wishing it were already December, my schedule lightens at the end of the month, although there are still things to do. I found myself worried at my eagerness to wish my days away. This in turn led me to wonder what lesson I am supposed to take from all of this. Confusion reigned supreme until I chanced upon a friend’s Facebook share. It all became clear that I need to let go, I don’t have to be in control of everything, I don’t have to control every aspect of my day.
By letting go and taking each day as it comes, along with the many things I don’t really want to do, I am relinquishing control and letting life be. And that is the lesson I really need to learn here.
Some of my busy times are out of my control and are necessary, but some things have come about because I MUST have control and can’t let things be. But I realise that it is time now, time to loosen my grip on certain things and let them be, they will be what they will without my input.
Once I had realised this my life felt much lighter.
Remember Samhain 2011?
I do, I remember it well. I remember it because it was at that point I decided to challenge myself to become more involved with the witchy side of my life. I had been struggling for years and then the deaths of my brother and father so close together really hit me hard. I felt like I had died inside, just ever so slightly and my spiritual beliefs were mocking me, so it seemed. But I didn’t want to give up on my beliefs, those beliefs had been serving me well since I was 14 and I figured that deep down inside of me I did still truly believe in my life as a witch. I had been shaken to the very core, was hurting beyond belief but wanted to remain strong – such is my persona – and so I was able to do so.
I recognised that every time I faced a tough crisis my beliefs came into question. Every time someone got sick, or something bad happened, or they died I felt like I had let them down. If I were truly a witch then surely I would have forseen these dreadful events and been able to stop them.
You see how much pressure I was putting on myself? Just who did I think I was?
But then a chance moment allowed me to look at my life and my beliefs and give me a break. I looked at my own beliefs and parts of witchcraft that I felt I needed to look at for myself. I challenged myself to think about this stuff for a year and a day. It was never a how to be a witch type of challenge. It seemed quite basic and lacking in depth at times, but it was a useful tool for me and that was the purpose of it.
In the beginning I blogged about it everyday, then a little less so, until finally I stopped altogether. This was because it became far too personal, and whilst I have shared intimate details on my blog before, this was something I decided against doing in this instance.
The past year has been challenging at times, but the journey has been enthralling. I have learnt an awful lot, more so than I imagined I would. This is something I would highly recommend, especially if you are just starting our, or you find yourself challenging and questioning everything you believe in.