I have had a rough couple of weeks. Family life continues to be as dramatic as an award winning soap, too much going on and not enough down time. I also decided to bite the bullet and contact a friend who isn’t speaking to me. I am not getting into the nitty gritty of the saga, but I messaged her and then tried to re add her on FB. I have to say, I did think she would ignore my request, maybe read the message I had sent but ignore the request. Instead she just outright blocked me.
I am not going to point the blame at her, she has her opinion over why she fell out with me and I have my reasons why I acted as I did. She has every right to feel angry, just as I have every right to feel like my side of things deserves to be heard. That I have not had the chance to put my side of things across has left me feeling like a failure. Which of course is utterly ridiculous. I’ve pondered this situation all day, considered a few options and then came to the conclusion that I have done all I can for now. If she wants to remain peeved with me I have to accept that and just get on with my life. I could point out that if the shoe were on the other foot, so to speak, I would give her the chance to explain. Or I could point out her wrongdoings from the past that I chose to ignore, or forgive. Instead I choose to let her be. She knows where I am if she wants to talk and that is all I am going to do.
But the failure feeling simmered away, making me feel sorry for myself. I began to question everything about my life. Bear in mind I have the usual dramas going on in my life adding to the stress levels. Just when I was about to wallow in yet another bout of self pity I started making lists. Me and lists are great friends, I create umpteen of them and feel better about whatever has unbalanced me.
My lists brought calm to my inner turmoil. My lists helped me to see I am not a failure. My lists have brought the positive feeling I have enjoyed a lot of lately.
I love my lists.