Day 3. The High Priestess.

The High Priestess is all about our inner knowing, our intuition.  She whispers softly to us and sometimes we hear her loud and clear, other times we feel like we have imagined it and to our detriment we ignore her.  That is usually how it is with me, I know deep down what I need to do to get to where I want to go, but I just plough right on ahead without paying any heed to  my own High Priestess.

You would think that the fact that I know this would see me make a change, right?

Ha! Wrong!

I tell people all of the time to be tough with those who are keeping them from achieving what it is they want, then I go right back to all of the silliness that keeps me from doing what needs to be done.  Despite my inner High Priestess guiding me I still fail to go where I need to.  For me it isn’t a physical place, it is me being firm with everyone who wants a piece of me.  It doesn’t matter what I say they just continue to ask me to do this, to take them here, there and everywhere, to involve me in pointless dramas that could easily be solved by actually applying themselves.  But it is so much easier for them to involve me, to get me to make the effort for them, to just ask me to drive them to wherever rather than ask someone else.  And like the dutiful person I am, I abandon my needs and desires and go running – not literally!

Why?

That is a very good question and one that only I can answer.  I know that to get to where I want to be I have to focus on me and what I want to do, rather than allow everyone else to hijack my time when they could easily deal with their own stuff.  This is what my inner High Priestess is telling me to do.  She tells me that if I want to get anywhere with my creative dream I have to concentrate on myself and be firm with everyone else who wants to have a piece of me.

And so I shall listen to her.  I shall, from today onwards, be firm when I am asked to play referee, or answer endless calls, or respond to requests for advice etc.  I am not shutting myself off from everyone, I am merely shifting my focus back onto myself rather than onto everyone else.  They have gotten to used to me dropping everything in a heartbeat for their needs.  This does not mean that emergencies will be ignored.  They absolutely will not be.  But the vast majority of the calls on my time are things that can wait until I have a little more time later in the day.  After all, if I was out at work I would not be able to just drop everything and respond.

I need to be firm for the sake of my dream and to allow myself to follow it.

Day 2 – The Magician.

Day 2 of the writing challenge.

Did I mention the challenge is based around the major Arcana?  If not, then Day 1 was the fool and Day 2 – I know, I’m a day  late, blame Mercury about to go retrograde! – is the Magician.

This writing challenge is all about opening myself up to a new journey, or returning to an old journey abandoned in my case.  The magician gives us the tools we need to help us on our way.  I think in my case I already have those tools, I just need to utilize them.  I stated on Day 1 that my dream is to become a published author.  I touched upon how I stumbled into my dream by feeling I could write a good Mills and Boon novel.  Over the years my creativity has grown and I have so many ideas, not just for the Mills and Boon, but for other genres too.

I started my degree way back in 2006, with the Open University (a distance learning establishment for those who don’t know what the OU is) and abandoned that due to health problems and the home schooling of my son.  I started back on with my studies back in February and completed my second module last month.  My third module starts this weekend – Advanced Creative Writing.  The first module was Creative Writing.  I believe these are some of the tools I will need to further me along my journey towards my new life.  Even if all they do is boost my confidence and self belief then they will have served me well.   The other tools I need for this journey, I already have.  I spent so long believing I could never do this properly because I wasn’t equipped to do it, but in reality I have the necessary tools already.  I only need to start using those tools and I will be well on my way.

Sometimes the most useful tool we have is belief in ourselves.  I am particularly guilty in doubting myself.  Earlier this year I read a book that touched upon how we all have this idea that the whole world is trying to prevent us from moving forward.  We claim “they” do not want to see us succeed.  The “they” actually turns out not to be the entire population of the world, but perhaps two or three people at the most who wish to see us fail.  More often than not it is actually ourselves that are the guilty “they”.  We fear what others may think of us and this gives rise to negativity and self-doubt.  Once we strip all of this away and either deal with the negative few or our own self-doubt we are able to move forward and achieve great things.

I choose to believe in me.  I know I have the ability to do this and I know the only person holding me back is me.  I choose to stop holding myself back and go out and achieve my dream.