Assumptions.

People who make assumptions about me really do my head in.

Never assume that just because I am on friendly terms with someone that you may not like, that I will blab about things we talked about.  If that is what you think of me, then you never truly knew me.

I do not gossip about others.  Why?  Usually because I have enough drama in my own life that there is never any time to be assuming and chatting about other people.  I also hate it when people gossip about me, well, more to the point, stuff that isn’t true.  So I do not participate in gossip.

Never assume that because you have beef with someone then that means I do.

I don’t fall out with people just because someone I know has.  I’m not 12!!!  If a person has wronged me I will approach them and find out what is up.  Sometimes it doesn’t work as well as I’d like, there isn’t the opportunity for discussion and as much as I like to resolve conflict there are times it remains there, festering away in the background.

A couple of years ago my daughter suddenly decided that she would forgive those who had wronged her.  Sometimes she had been the instigator, but still, she contacted each person and made her peace with them.  I have done this with some people and the reason I did this was because life is way too short and precious to hold grudges against people.  Especially people who you only know online.  I made my peace with a person because I wanted to be free of any drama or ill feeling that was festering inside of me.  That action caused someone else to take the pap with me.  Yes, the pap.  A huge dummy-spitting episode ensued.  I have tried, on several occasions, to talk this out with the person involved, but my attempts have been unsuccessful.  If I contact this person online, they block me.  I have tried text message, I have been blocked by that too.  So calling them isn’t an option.  I wrote a letter, I have no idea how that was received, but judging by the silence I can only assume it was either ignored or not believed.

What hurts me the most is that this particular person has made so many assumptions about me.  Instead of talking to me, properly, with regards to their feelings, I have been treat like the anti-Christ!

Never assume to tell me who I can and cannot be on friendly terms with.  I am 43 years old, not a child who needs parental permission.  If you have beef with that person then that is your business, not mine.  I have resolved any conflict because bitterness just eats away at my inner harmony and I have no place for it in my life.  I do not dictate who you can and cannot speak with, so why should you assume you get to dictate my life to me?  And because I don’t follow suit, I get dropped as a friend.  Very mature indeed!

Going off topic ever so slightly, my husband and I were talking yesterday about something to do with how big brothers act towards their younger sisters.  I have 3 older brothers, their difference in years to me are 6, 4 and 2.  When I first started dating my husband, way back in 1988, one brother had said to him “nobody tells my sister what to do.”  this was not him threatening my then boyfriend, this was him telling N that I have always been my own person and nobody has ever dictated my life to me.  Despite any difficulties I have faced in my life I have always been my own person, nobody has ever dictated to me and this isn’t going to change now.

If this particular person does not want to be friends with me, then fine, don’t.  But I would ask that you look at your motive for not being my friend.  Is it because you genuinely do not want to be my friend?  In which case I will be totally accepting of that, your choice, your free will and all that.  Or is it because I have it within me to forgive and forget for the benefit of my own peace of mind and inner harmony and you obviously don’t?

When I decided to be this peaceful person – no jokes please!!!  I amended my behaviour slightly.  Prior to this, I would only go about resolving conflict with people I had to see all of the time, i.e. people in my everyday life.  Online people would just be deleted, ignored, whatever.  But this left a lot of unfinished business.  I felt like I was being untrue to myself, leaving myself wide open for unresolved energies to engulf me and disturb me.  So I decided that conflict would be resolved.  Apologies made.  I would go to any person who I felt had an issue with me and vice-versa.  So far it has worked, it has resolved an awful lot of inner turmoil, with the exception of this one particular person who chooses to ignore me.

Obviously I will, undoubtedly, rub people up the wrong way and remain oblivious to it.  If they choose to blank me/delete me/block me and I am unaware of this then there isn’t that much I can do about it.  What I am meaning is conflict and tension that I am aware of.  To assume I know I am annoying you is just daft, I may be good, but I am not that good!!!!

I read something online a couple of weeks ago.  I cannot remember exactly what was written, but it went something like: your opinion of me is none of my business.

At first I thought that this was very irresponsible.  It didn’t appear to be taking responsibility for one’s own actions.  But then I thought about the person who was saying it.  This person is human, yes, but they do their best to live their life in a positive way.  They do not get involved in slanging matches online, they keep out of drama – a person after my own heart – and they try and be as good a person as they can be.  So with this in mind I had to agree; what a person thinks about you, isn’t really your business.

If I, or anyone else for that matter, offend you in anyway, then you have to tell us.  We are not all the same and what I find acceptable maybe isn’t for another person.  I try to be peaceful and unoffensive, but again, my opinion and tastes differ to that of other people, so without meaning to I may end up offending someone.  If that happens and nothing gets brought to my attention, how am I supposed to fix that?

And this brings us full circle.  I wanted to discuss, in an adult manner, why my friend and I are no longer on speaking terms.  They have chosen to ignore every attempt I have made, that is all I can do.  I did say in my letter that I would understand if I was not forgiven – I cannot control that person and it isn’t my responsibility to change their mind.  My actions are my responsibility and I know I haven’t done anything bad.  However, said person obviously has a different take on said matter and unless they are willing to come to me with their feelings, hurts, anger, etc, I cannot do anymore.  Their assumptions hurt me, but I am big enough and old enough to deal with that.  I would discuss the real issue with them if they got in touch, but life goes on and I have done my best.

The lesson I have learnt here is that to assume something when you do not have the full facts is wrong.

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