Deadlines

I have been reading blog posts and magazine articles and have decided that fear – I know I have already blogged about this – is not going t hold me prisoner any longer. As I have said already, in an earlier blog post, I have several half finished novels, and a couple that are just about ready to polish off, and that one I won’t even mention! I am involved with many projects and I have my Uni work, but…….drum roll please!!!…..I am going to set myself a deadline to get one of the almost ready writing projects up to scratch and sent off to a publisher.

I have nerves building inside of me as I am typing this blog post up and I am pushing through that nervousness, ignoring the fear that is threatening to bubble up, out of me. I refuse to be held prisoner any longer, yes, I know you know this. I am making a public promise ………..eek……….to write every weekday, and hopefully get some done at the weekend too, although we have our granddaughter then so it isn’t always that easy.

The deadline I am giving myself is Valentine’s Day. I know, I know, that is a pretty long time away, BUT, I don’t want to make the deadline shorter and then have a flare up, meaning I won’t meet that deadline. That would be counter productive for me. I would feel bad about myself and all of the self doubt would creep back in and, well, you know how that goes. So to be fair to myself and my family I will give myself a four month deadline. This is realistic for me because I know which project I am going to be picking and I know there are huge chunks of it I am not happy with. Therefore, I have to re-write parts and a shorter deadline would mean far too much pressure and me making myself ill and that perpetual cycle of self-doubt nonsense would find a way back in.

So, February 14th 2015 is the day I expect my book to be ready to go off to a publisher. When I say this, I mean the first approach, the letter of enquiry, the submission of whatever it is they ask for. At this stage I am not going to say which particular project I have in mind, as this may be indicative of which publisher and I feel that I may jinx myself, soooooo, I am just going to get my act together and WRITE, WRITE, WRITE!!!!!

And now I have made a promise of sorts, I have to do it.

Releasing fear.

After I wrote my blog post yesterday, I spent the afternoon pondering why I had written it in the first place.  I doubt the other person will read it, but I assured myself that was not why.  After a while I concluded that I have been undergoing transformation for quite some time now.  I know I have changed, those closest to me know I have changed, but does anyone else know?  I guess, in a way, the blog post was my way of releasing my feelings on that particular matter, plus, it was the unveiling of the new me.

Taking part in the writing challenge has further affirmed that I am now the person I want to be.  The person I think I would have grown into had I not been attacked.  It has taken a long time for that me to emerge and even though I have been “out” in my offline life, I haven’t really been in my online life.  I guess I haven’t really been much of anywhere that counts in my online life.  That changed yesterday when I wrote my releasing post.  After contemplating my reason for writing the post I concluded that this new me is not only leaving behind negative emotions and actions, but also I m ready to face new challenges.

Fear has made me a prisoner for many years now and I am not prepared to be that prisoner anymore.  I want to live my life in the way I see fit.  Fear does not dictate to me what I can do.  If I attempt something and it doesn’t work out, then I can say at least I tried.  If I stress about what could go wrong then I am always going to be the prisoner of fear.  And I refuse to be that person, imprisoned by a negative emotion.

I have no real idea at this moment in time where this will lead me.  I am uncertain as to what awaits me as I walk back out into the world, ready to face the challenges and adventures along the way.  What I do know is that I am not afraid to try anymore, and that releasing fear has given me such a buzz.

Watch out world, here I come!!!