Life has done that thing it does, muscled itself in the way of my creative pursuits, meaning I have missed three gays of this challenge. I am going to attempt to write one post using the last three days prompts and today’s.
What I have found absolutely interesting throughout this challenge is how each card seems to relate back to the very first card and blog post. That very first blog post in this challenge – my big revelation about my life – really opened the door for me and really did propel me forward. And because I haven’t been able to write this week on the challenge I have made notes about each card/each day’s challenge and have found that the four cards are still a continuation, the theme is continuing from that very first post/card.
The first card that I want to talk about is Temperance. Temperance brings us balance and when we allow balance into our lives we are able to let life flow. Ever since I started to make changes in my life I have noticed just how I am able to let life flow. I am a self confessed control freak and this stems from that one incident way back in 1987. But by letting go of the hold that incident has had on my life I have felt less of a need to control everything around me, which has resulted in life just flowing. That is balance.
The next card was the Devil. The message coming through from this card is telling us to face our shadows and set ourselves free. Yes, I believe that is what I have indeed done for myself. I believe I have set myself free from a negative hold on me. I have said time and again ever since I revealed this secret that any positive action that resulted because of it and any positive action I take is only about me. If I say something or post something that suggests my letting go of past hurt and pain then that is directed at myself, nobody else. I do not purport to speak on behalf of anyone else, I speak only for myself. I have lived in the shadow of this incident for far too long and I have chosen to set myself free of it. I am only speaking about my own experiences and how those experiences have shaped and molded me, that includes the new, freer me. I have stepped out from the shadows. I write/talk about my experiences and choices, not those of anyone else. I choose to free myself from negative situations and experiences. This does not mean that negativity from my past is all gone, it certainly isn’t. It means I am choosing not to let any negativity cloud my present. That does not mean I think everyone should do that, it means I am doing that for me, nobody else. If you can’t let go of your own negative influences then I understand, but I am not implying my choices should be your choices, they are mine and mine alone. I have reached this point, the point I am at today because I have stepped out of the shadows in my life – again, my life, not anyone else’s life.
The next two cards have me stumped, so to speak. The Tower is all about things falling apart, tumbling down, but us seeing this as a blessing in disguise. There is one incident in my life – no, not that one! – where I brought my personal life crashing down. It was a train wreck, people were hurt, badly, I got hurt, but it forced me back into therapy and I was able to bring control to parts of my life that were still spiraling out of control. It also allowed me to appreciate the one person I had really hurt, bringing us closer together then ever before, strengthening our bond.
The final card, today’s card, is The Star. The message is all about writing about why we deserve a star, like an award of recognition. I am loathe to blow my own trumpet; 27 years of self loathing don’t just evaporate over night. All of the positive steps I have recently taken have been brilliant, they have had a massive impact on my life, but I cannot just say I deserve anything in this way. There are people who do braver things than me and they truly deserve awards. So with that in mind I will say this; I am awarding myself the Sue Park award for being the best version of myself that I can be. It is a bit tongue in cheek, but I am patting myself on the back and telling myself well done for being me. I am not being pretentious, I am congratulating myself from myself. I don’t think the world owes me anything, I think I owe it to myself to be my true self, that is all.