I keep seeing this quote:
“People don’t let you down, they just show you who they really are.”
It’s not a new quote, I’ve certainly heard it before, but it is becoming very significant in my life and the lives of other people close to me too. Recent circumstances in the personal life of someone close to me have been very much like this, people showing their true colours. A few years ago I was asked by someone I thought was a friend to not speak to someone they had an issue with. Of course I said no, there was no way I was just not speaking to someone because another person didn’t like them.
What am I, 12?
So, because I wouldn’t swear my allegiance to this person and take their side, yes this really did happen like this, they cut me out of their life. At first I was very upset by the whole situation, I wonderd if I should have maybe sided with them after all. But then, after a few minutes I began to regain my clarity. This other person had never done anything wrong to me, they were always polite, courteous and considerate. We weren’t bosom buddies or anything, but it wasn’t as if I was divulging my secrets to them anyway. I literally had no reason to “fall out” with them.
My so-called friend on the other hand had well and truly shown me who she really was. She wanted to control who I was friends with and if I didn’t tow the line I was out of her life. All of that was her choice and I certainly wasn’t going to beg her to reconsider. The whole episode left me very suspicious of people who tried to cosy on up to me when they had an issue with any mutual friend. I gossip with my family, general chit-chat sort of stuff, such as, have you heard about so and so’s new job. I certainly don’t cosy on up to people just to get the inside gossip on someone else. That doesn’t mean to say that people haven’t told me things about other people, of course they have. But I tend to remain tight-lipped about such things because I wouldn’t want other people gossiping about me. That said, I am not that naive to think people don’t gossip about me, which then leads me onto another saying; “someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business.”
Anyway, I digress, I’m teaching people at the moment that we should just concentrate on living our own lives in the best way we can. If we are courteous and polite to others, if we act in a positive way then we are giving out the best version of ourselves. That is the best we can do. All we can do is concentrate on ourselves, all we can do is be the best version of ourselves and by doing so we automatically act in a positive way. Through this work I have noticed that a lot of people feel let down by the actions of other people, it’s natural and we have all done it at some point. What we need to ask ourselves is why we allow others to rule our moods, why do we allow other people to hijack our positivity? I have been working with people to get them to identify this sort of thing, to get them to realise that people always show us who they truly are one way or another. Once we have armed ourselves with that truth we begin to look at the world from a fresh perspective. We begin to surround ourselves with less negative types and begin to really take responsibilty for ourselves.
The masks that people wear invariably fall off once we get close enough and not everyone is as pretty underneath. By that I mean how they act, their true colours. We find people put on a show to invite us in, to make us believe that they are perfect. That isn’t always who they are and we can get so hurt by their revelations. What I have been teaching though, is that how a person acts is all them, their actions are their responsibilty and it is nothing that we have done, it is who they really are. We need to learn not to let that get us down and realise that when we are being the best version of ourselves we are projecting a happy, positive, harmonious energy out into the world. The negative sorts will reveal their true nature to us and we must understand that we have not caused that person to act that way.
It all sounds simple and obvious, and it is, but we are conditioned from an early age to accept that we are to blame when someone lets us down. We are conditioned to believe we are at fault, somehow. Nothing could be further from the truth. People don’t let us down, they just show us who they really are.