1976

The more I get into this challenge, the more songs I remember from my childhood.  This particular song reminds me of listening to Terry Wogan on the radio before going to school.

 

 

1975

Abba were one of those groups that were just always there during my childhood.  This particular song is one of my favourites by them.

 

 

Aha moments.

You know when you get that lightbulb moment in your head, everything just starts to make sense and you’re left wondering why you haven’t had this thought process, this feeling you’re having now, you’re wondering why you haven’t thought and felt like this before.  Well, I’m doing my Soul Love work and stumbled upon a practice that led me to a revelation.

To cut a long story short I was doing something that required me to hit shuffle and play on my playlist and the three songs hit me right in my truth centre – a.k.a your gut, or your solar plexus.  One song in particular caused the aha moment.  The song used to mean something very different to me.  The song – Don’t Dream It’s Over by Crowded House – used to remind me that the trauma I was suffering from was over, you see, I used to suffer terribly with PTSD and would have the most horrendous nightmares.  The song always reminded me that I was moving forward, away from the attack and the subsequent trauma and that I really could rebuild my life.

Today, however, when I heard the song, certain lyrics actually jumped right out at me.  That was when the lightbulb moment struck and the song actually started to hold a different significance.  No longer does it remind me that I am not stuck in that moment anymore,  now it is reminding me that the work I am doing with Soul Love is relevant, is important, and is very much needed.

Working in circle with other women I am discovering that we share similar truths and stories and that as women we are demanding to be heard, and at that particular moment when I was listening to the lyrics a new truth pushed itself forward and demanded I listen and take note.

The truth?

The truth is that I am embracing myself as a woman, a woman who has a voice and who has important work to do out there in the world.  A woman who is not going to take the shit that so many people – especially men – throw at me.  My truth is not about chasing people, nor is it about being the gopher for people who won’t  – notice I say won’t and not can’t  – do things for themselves.  The latter being one of the things that has held me back for so long, the demanding of my time for their needs because they don’t want to take care of them for themselves.

I am OK with the fact that people are going to get mad with me for this.  I’m OK with the fact that people are going to distance themselves from me because  they think what I am saying is crazy, or out there…..but I am absolutely at peace with this.

 

1974

Remembering songs from my childhood has certainly been fun. In order to get the correct year I’ve been using Google to make sure the year is right. For 1974 I could have picked at least a dozen different songs, all of them reminding me of my childhood. This one though, this song always used to make me howl with laughter.

1973

Searching for a song for this year was quite a mission, the point being I wanted songs that reminded me of my childhood and all of the songs I was coming up with didn’t.  Then I stumbled across this song, and whilst I did initially think it was from later on in the 1970’s, it is a song I can associate with my childhood.

1972

This song is from the year I was 1 year old. That said, it will always remind me of one of the GTA games because it was on the soundtrack.

Expressing myself through music.

I have decided to share a song on the blog each day for every year I’ve been alive. Starting from 1971 and finishing with 2016.

I obviously don’t remember this song as a baby, but my parents always played it and it’s a song that I seem to have known for as long as I’ve been alive.

Have A Nice Day.

On social media I’ve noticed a lot of people are struggling with one thing or another and could really do with a break. 

Here’s hoping we all have a nice day. 

I am doing fine.

When I shared my thoughts on memories I didn’t really think people would reach out to me, I guess I was so engrossed in getting my point across.  Anyway, I just want to assure you that I am absolutely fine. I am happy and in a great place, but thanks for asking and caring 😊

Powerful Songs.

I’ve been talking about songs that rip me open and evoke powerful, disturbing and unwanted memories. I’ve often talked on this blog about a Tears For Fears song whose lyrics felt very personal to me in the days and months after I was attacked.  I mentioned yesterday that there are songs that remind me of that time, but I rarely listen to them now.

Naturally one of those songs would just happen to play on the radio later on that day, taunting me.

This particular song is something I listened to a lot in the dark times of my life, finding comfort in the lyrics and feeling they were just for me.  It reminds me of my substance abuse and reliance on alcohol to cope with the horror of what had happened to me.  It helped me make sense of the addictions I had post- attack. It reminds me of how dead I was inside and how much of myself got taken away from me in the early hours of that Sunday morning.  It reminded me of who I was before I was attacked and how much of myself I lost in the days,weeks, months and even years afterwards.It reminded me of who I used to be and listening to it  yesterday reminded me that I’m a million miles away from that broken little girl who was brutally attacked at knifepoint.  I felt everything as I listened to this song, but I also realised that whilst I will never get over that attack, I have found peace inside of myself and that bastard can never take that away from me.  He may have taken my innocence, shattered my hopes and dreams, he may have broken me back then, but I fixed me and my Mr. Wonderful helped and between us I am stronger than I ever was.

Again, I rarely listen to that sort of music anymore – the sort that stirs up the pain that ripped my life apart post August 23rd 1987.  Those songs helped me grieve and allowed me to cope, but now they just remind me of how fucked up I was and I can’t listen to them without instantly feeling like I’ve been transported back to that time, even if I am a stronger person now, I just don’t want to listen to certain songs anymore.