Head full of cotton wool and a love in with myself.

Last year I started a business that had many different facets to it. I intended to share things on this blog, but as I soon found out the confidentiality of my clients was more important.

In between running the business and living life I was thrown more curve balls than I’ve ever had thrown. From the end of spring until just before Xmas I had one health scare after another. I don’t really want to dwell too much on the head fuckery that was December – lots of sleepless nights full of worry and other dramas from a family point of view – not close family I hasten to add.

Yesterday I got a message from someone who was concerned about me and it really made me realise the way I had reacted late last year was definitely not how people knew me to be.

But that’s exactly how I am, I don’t share my problems outside of my very tight knit circle. Even people who I’ve known for a very long time only get to know what I choose to share. It might sound selfish but I’ve been kicked in the teeth by people I thought I could trust, so as the saying goes “once bitten, twice as shy”.

Trust is the real biggy for me. If it’s breached then I’ll never let that person back in, ever.  I’ve been dealt too many blows to keep allowing people to hurt me, so I just find it easier to build walls.

But I digress, what I was saying was how I’ve gotten out of the habit of blogging. Life always reminds us that we can only do so much, reminding us that we aren’t superhuman and can only achieve so much in any one day.  So as I lie here in bed (it’s almost midnight) with my head full of cotton wool (I have a flu like virus, my body’s way of reminding me that I need to slow down) I’ve decided that I really need to up my soul love game.

I keep seeing people talking about dedicating a chunk of time to some self love and care, one or two even choosing February to do that.  February makes sense for me too, the theme of the month is generally love and I feel it’s the perfect opportunity to indulge my self and let all of the hurt and disappointment of the past few months go. 

Today because of my lurgy I’ve spent the day in bed. I’ve face timed with both of my daughters and granddaughter, I’ve watched Hawaii Five O and Home and Away (we had nearly 20 episodes of that soap) with my Mr. Wonderful – he’s also got the lurgy, we got it off our son. I’ve also indulged in my obsession on YouTube – Dr. Pimple Popper and Je Lin. Yeah, I know, it’s gross, but omg I just love watching those videos. They allow me to think of absolutely nothing, kinda like a brain dump, and just let all the stresses and strains empty out of me.

There probably won’t be any structure to my love in with myself, I get all aargh if there’s too much structure and rules etc. And besides, self love and care should be all about what helps me unwind and soothe my soul.

I’d like to say I’ll post on here about what I do, but again, that will just stress me out and that defeats the purpose of my love in.  So, if I post I post, if I don’t I don’t. Que sera sera.

Happy February ❤️

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