When I was working flat out I would often put things off by saying I was too busy. I would be too busy to help, I would be too busy to message back, I would be too busy to talk with. But this isn’t completely true; I could find time to keep in touch with certain family members and friends, I could find time to do something that was asked of me if it was asked by a person I really liked.
There’s the rub; we say we can’t do something for someone, or keep in touch as often because we are far too busy with other things. We, as a society, now make excuses of being too busy rather than saying no. We also use the busy excuse as a way to not talk to someone who has called/messaged/emailed us. Sometimes we will just leave that person hanging for weeks at a time and only talk to them if they approach us in the street. Or maybe if they message us again, we might warrant them with a “sorry, I’m busy” reply.
But it’s all bullshit. We will make time for people we want to make time for, despite our busy schedules. If we don’t feel too well we will still converse (in one form or another) with the people who we really want to talk to. I’ve been guilty of this, we all have. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t, and that is quite a sad fact. We all have busy lives, but none of us are really going through our days not being in contact with our nearest and dearest.
Now, here’s my favourite: social media is one of the biggest arenas for the too busy folks. Imagine the scenario, you’ve posted something on FB, people have liked it, but that one friend who always fobs you off with the too busy spiel hasn’t liked it. You think to yourself oh they’re just busy. You move on with your life, going about your business, oblivious to what is really going on. A little later, be that hours, days, weeks, you see a mutual friend has posted something. Their post was created at a similar time to your post, and lo and behold too busy Tina has liked this post. You spend a little while wondering if they just missed your post, you convince yourself that’s what happened. But then it happens again, and again, and again. You eventually manage to bring up this topic, without being confrontational or downright angry, and too busy Tina tells you she’s been snowed under at work, or with life. That’s when the reality sinks in; you’re just not important enough.
Too busy Tina has found the time to like/comment on another person’s FB, but she’s totally blanked you for weeks. You don’t get it, you’re friends, she’s reassured you of this time and time again. But she’s making no effort to like or comment on your posts, she’s making no attempt to text you, or make plans with you. She’s too busy. But you’ve heard she went out with another friend last weekend. You’ve seen the photos on Facebook of her and this friend having a blast. But when you asked her if she wanted to go for a few drinks? She was too busy!
It’s all lies. People like too busy Tina will try to ridicule you by saying stuff like “true friends can go for months without talking to one another, but when they meet up again it’s like they’ve never been apart”.
It’s utter horse crap! True friends will be in touch with you, if not daily, at least a few times a week. True friends will let you know they’re busy, but they’ll find five minutes to be in touch because they value your friendship. People like too busy Tina make excuses because you’re just an option for when they’ve got no other plans, or for when nobody is replying to them by text/chat/whatever.
Don’t ever feel like there’s something wrong with you if you feel your so-called friend is treating you second best. Don’t let the “we don’t need to talk all of the time” bollocks fool you. If they want to be in touch, they will. Anything else and they’re just a fair weather friend. Yeah, it hurts. It hurts when you realise that the person you thought had your back actually doesn’t give a shit. It hurts to discover you’re just a second, third, fourth, whatever option and not a priority. But the best thing you can do is to treat them exactly the same way. Why should they get your time and attention? Why should they get all of your energy? They’ve not spared a thought for you, so don’t worry about them.
I’d like to say that giving them a dose of their own medicine helps to remedy the situation, but it really doesn’t. It just shows these too busy Tina types for what they really are, fair weather friends.
And this first meme sums up what has happened to me, time and again, with someone. Clearly I’m not worth it!