For so long I’ve hidden away when it comes to connecting with new people. Online it’s easy to hide, in real life not so much.
Last night I had a group thing to attend online, I’d said that I’d go and I meant it. I started getting panicky around 10 minutes before the event was due to start.
I was still determined to go.
As the event started I couldn’t get into the room. How easy it would’ve been to just walk away, figuratively speaking. Hiding behind technical issues is lame, but it was true.
But the organiser swapped over to zoom and I had to re-download the app – my phone archives unused and rarely used apps when it updates the software.
Again, the panic was setting in. What would people think of me? Would they judge me? I felt nervous about how I looked. How I’d sound. I didn’t feel ready or good enough. But then a voice inside me said “show up as you are”.
Showing up as I am, last night, meant no make-up, casual clothing, no voice (I’ve lost my voice due to a cold) and wearing my glasses – something I rarely do unless I can wear my prescription sunglasses.
It meant trusting in the universe. Trusting that everything would be OK. Trusting that nobody would care how I looked, or sounded.
And so I clicked join and the world didn’t end. Everything was fine. I had a good time and I’m pleased I pushed through the panic.
Showing up as we are is scary as hell, but it’s so rewarding.
This card suggests that the past is in the past and a bright future is beckoning. Before moving forward though, make sure that both you and the situation are healed. The card is advising us not to paper over the cracks of the situation, and not to pretend that everything is ok. Whilst the future looks bright, we still need to take care of what is not ok in the here and now. Only then will we be able to move forward to our bright futures.
Once the healing has begun it is time to remind ourselves that anything is possible. At this time we might hear guidance from spirit/the Universe. It is when we surrender to the divine that we receive the guidance that we most need to hear.
Once we have begun to heal we can start moving forward towards our dreams. Investing in self care now allows us to heal, move forward, and be prepared for the future we are moving towards.
Healing situations, no matter how painful, always helps to move us forward. There is always hope. We always have the choice to move forward, but in doing so we must heal what is holding us back.
As we move into autumn, here in the UK, we are also moving into a more restricted lifestyle once again. Not a full lockdown, but restrictions on what we can and can’t do.
The last full lockdown broke me. Yes, I was safe at home and I thank the Goddess every day for that. But CPTSD grabbed me and had me so hyper vigilant I was on the verge of a breakdown.
I’m in a better head space now, but I do not want to return to that dark place I was in earlier this year. With tighter restrictions imminent and the threat of another lockdown I’m left wondering what that will mean for me.
Trusting in the flow of life is something I’ve always struggled with. Trauma survivors have spent so long relying on their instincts and themselves, it’s quite difficult to put faith in anyone or anything else.
I’m tentatively putting my faith in myself and my husband as we negotiate the coming weeks and months. Putting one foot in front of the other, taking each day as it comes.
I’ve just binge-watched Messiah on Netflix. I’d initially set out to watch this when it premiered here in the UK (early January), but with one thing or another I never did get round to it.
I’m not religious, but I am curious. I’m curious about what people believe in and why they believe what they do. I’m curious about what inspires a person to have faith in something or someone. I’m curious about how the teachings of love, peace, harmony, acceptance, etc are taught throughout the world, in all religions and belief systems, and yet arguing and fighting over who is right, or whose God – or Goddess – is the one true deity.
I believe in love, peace and harmony. I believe in acceptance and tolerance. I believe that we are free to choose our faith and belief system, and I believe that nobody has the right to tell us that what we believe in is wrong.
The show was very thought provoking and had many angles that left questions to ponder upon. It’s a shame that Netflix aren’t renewing it for a second season, I felt there was plenty of potential and plenty of storylines that could’ve sustained another season. But I guess that’s the nature of entertainment.