For so long I’ve hidden away when it comes to connecting with new people. Online it’s easy to hide, in real life not so much.
Last night I had a group thing to attend online, I’d said that I’d go and I meant it. I started getting panicky around 10 minutes before the event was due to start.
I was still determined to go.
As the event started I couldn’t get into the room. How easy it would’ve been to just walk away, figuratively speaking. Hiding behind technical issues is lame, but it was true.
But the organiser swapped over to zoom and I had to re-download the app – my phone archives unused and rarely used apps when it updates the software.
Again, the panic was setting in. What would people think of me? Would they judge me? I felt nervous about how I looked. How I’d sound. I didn’t feel ready or good enough. But then a voice inside me said “show up as you are”.
Showing up as I am, last night, meant no make-up, casual clothing, no voice (I’ve lost my voice due to a cold) and wearing my glasses – something I rarely do unless I can wear my prescription sunglasses.
It meant trusting in the universe. Trusting that everything would be OK. Trusting that nobody would care how I looked, or sounded.
And so I clicked join and the world didn’t end. Everything was fine. I had a good time and I’m pleased I pushed through the panic.
Showing up as we are is scary as hell, but it’s so rewarding.