Watch me bleed.

I’ll make no noise I’ll hide my pain
I’ll close my eyes I won’t complain
I’ll lie right back and take the blame
And try to tell myself I’m living,

And when it’s all been said or done
Where do I go? Where do I run?
What’s left of me or anyone
When we’ve denied the hurting?

Lyrics/Songwriters: Roland Orzabal.

Normal service will resume…eventually!

Still dealing with some heavy energies here at suepk HQ. I’m post TMA 5 for my OU module and my brain needs to recognise this, instead of focusing on essay structuring. I’m supposed to be on a week off from studies too but the last two assessments are calling my name and it’s pretty hard to ignore. For now I’m smudging and cleansing energies in the hope it’ll all settle down.

What’s been happening at suepk HQ.

It’s been a hectic couple of weeks here at suepk HQ. My 8 year old Granddaughter is staying for awhile as her Mum (my daughter) had a bad fall and has several fractures on her hip. She’s had an operation to pin it all back together, so she’s on the road to recovery.

I have been snowed under with studying; my first module for my degree is done and dusted and I passed that, yay! My second module is also coming to an end, but I have assessments coming up. I’ve also been doing an accredited course for Mental Health Awareness, and I’m about to start a Counselling Skills course.

In the UK a person cannot practice as a psychologist or counsellor unless they have certain accreditations, or a master’s degree. I don’t know if I will do a master’s degree, so that’s why I decided to take the accreditations.

A few years ago I started my own biz, Soul Love, where I offered a range of services from Tarot readings to mentoring. I’ve incorporated other aspects over the years and I offered healing and advice on a variety of subjects.

But then my illness reared it’s ugly head again and everything went on hold. I still have my biz, but I’m not working at the moment. The thing about chronic illness and being the only person who can do the work is that everything stops. It’s great news for my body as I rest and recuperate, but it’s not so great for my wallet. Believe me, I’d rather be earning, but it is what it is and it’s out of my hands.

Studying has meant I have been able to learn new skills that will help me in my biz in future. I am not able to do both, sadly. The choice is one or the other. That’s another thing that sucks about chronic illness, you have to make choices about what you can do. If I wasn’t sick I’d be able to do both, but I don’t really dwell on that anymore as it gets me nowhere.

Another spanner in the works has been the pandemic. I had wanted to get involved with organisations who help females who have suffered sexual violence, but safety had to come first and I wasn’t able to do this. It’s been quite frustrating knowing that this could be hugely helpful for my plans, but not being able to get involved because of COVID.

I’ve been busy making plans here instead. Chronic illnesses and pandemics may have prevented me from taking the path I had planned to, but they haven’t stopped me from making plans and putting those plans into action behind the scenes.

Delays may be an inevitable aspect of life, but I’ve began to accept them as pauses that allow me to tweak my plans. I’ve spent many years feeling frustrated by delays, but now I’m able to use them productively and for that I’m grateful.