I don’t know how many times I have “watered” myself down so as not to offend people. The very same people who are disrespecting me, disregarding me, intentionally hurting me.
Getting deep with myself showed me how little I thought about my own regard. I deserve love. Respect. Kindness. Honesty. I’m not here to be a some time option. Or to be treat like something someone stood in. I’m here for me. For my purpose.
I honour my purpose. I honour me. I have no intention of allowing people to piss all over me ever again. I’m doing me. Just me. I’m not “up for the gossip”, not here to rain on anyone’s parade. I am all about supporting women, not tearing them down out of jealousy or fear.
Life is a beautiful journey. It’s all about living and honouring you. Your beautiful self. Authentically you. There’s only one of you. Honour yourself. Respect yourself. You are so worth it.
If you’ve been around my blog long enough you’ll know that I have been at odds with who I am for a very long time. The event in 1987 changed me from a sassy 16 year old, who believed she could take on the world, to a broken girl who lost her self identity. It took many PTSD episodes, counselling, therapy with psychiatrists and a whole lot of heartbreak to find who I am.
I’ve shared my progress with those closest to me, they have witnessed me returning back to the self-confident woman I am once again. It’s all too easy to say that I’ve got here by this therapy technique, or that type of medication, if only it were as simple as that. I have worked hard on my issues, left behind people, places, beliefs, negative self talk, and much, much more to get to where I am now.
Being myself has always been my goal, ever since my identity was ripped away from me when I was 16. I never thought it would take so long to get here, but it’s ok, lessons learnt along the way have left me with so much life experience.
I’ve spent a few days pondering over a conundrum in regards to an old friend. The friend that lied about me and owing them money. With my self confidence finally returned I felt it was only natural to get in touch and ask why they were saying such vile things about me. It felt like something I needed to do. But with each passing day I found I just couldn’t be doing with the nuclear bomb of toxicity that would go off should I get in touch with them.
So I haven’t bothered. I’ve realised it doesn’t even matter. I know I have never borrowed money from this person. Ever. I know the truth. The people who get this tale aren’t people I’m even acquainted with, let alone friends, so what does it matter if I get to shout my truth from the rooftops? It’s not worth the time and energy that this would entail. I’d rather concentrate on myself and how much I have to look forward to.
Loving me. Loving who I am. Loving my life.
I’ve said this before, loving you is not a vain or self centred act. You love yourself first and foremost. You know about giving yourself oxygen first in a plane crash, right? Well loving you first is the same principle. You love you. You take care of you. You nurture you. You have time dedicated to self care for you. I’ve done this and more in the past, but buried deep issues prevented me from fully believing I was worthy of such love for myself. I preached this, a lot, in my business and with clients. But I didn’t truly believe I was worthy of my own self love.
People would lie to me, talk about me, try to hurt me, and I would fall into the trap of believing what smack talk they were aiming at me. I mean, surely if this was being said about me it must be right, right?
If someone has an issue with you then that’s their issue to deal with. If you’re not intentionally hurting someone, or lying, or breaking laws, then what can you really do about it? It isn’t on you to make them change their opinion. You just need to carry on shining brightly and showing up for yourself, and for the people who you want to have in your life.
Being uniquely you is a tremendous gift and absolute pleasure. Each day you live your life attuned with your own vibration, enjoying life, feeling grateful, being mindful of how you conduct yourself. This is what your true purpose is, being uniquely you. The rest that follows is the beautiful thing called life. Whatever you do with your time, if it makes you happy, then that is what matters.
When I was trying to feel me I spent so much time searching for my life purpose. I tried my hand at this and that, never fully feeling at one with what I was doing. I was exhausted. Unhappy. Unfulfilled. The negative self talk was running rife through my mind, causing me no end of problems, having me fall victim to negative suggestions about myself.
And then I realised how unique we all are. My gifts are mine. My perception is mine. Your gifts and perception are yours. What we each do with those gifts will help to shape us throughout our lives. Forever learning, continually growing. This is life. This is our purpose.
When you find yourself in a pity party, the quickest way out is to acknowledge how you feel and then let it go.
We all have days when the bad things seem to outweigh the good ones and we begin to think that life isn’t fair. You get stuck in traffic, which makes you late for an important meeting, and then your car gets towed. You might ask yourself, “Why me?” Events like this one can test anyone’s ability to be grateful and feel optimistic. If you have a tendency to feel sorry for yourself, and many of us do, things usually progress to the next stage: the pity party. You begin to feel like the innocent victim of a dismal fate because you are seeing your life through inaccurate lenses. Most of the thoughts that run through your mind at times like these are not helpful, and they mainly serve to increase your indignation and feelings of powerlessness. What these feelings and thoughts don’t do is change your circumstances or make you feel better.
When you have a terrible day, there should definitely be a time and place to have your feelings so you can process them. It’s important not to pretend that you are fine with things when you aren’t. It’s also important, however, to notice when you’re having a pity party. It’s a good idea to set a time limit in which to fully express your emotions and not feel guilty, ashamed, or judge yourself. Having a friend witness you during this process can be helpful. You may also want to write about your feelings. When your time is up, let go of the negativity you just expressed. You can declare your intention to your friend. If you’ve written down your feelings, you can burn the piece of paper or throw it in the recycling bin.
Try not to dwell on unpleasant experiences and do everything you can to avoid holding on to negative emotions. When you indulge in self-pity, you only make a bad day worse. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, release the notion that you are a victim, and notice the good that exists in your life
I’ve been working with my ancestors since I was a small child and looked to dead family members for guidance. They would come to me in my dreams when I was older and that’s where I found my passion for dream knowledge.
I grew up with the belief that we should revere our ancestors, listening to stories from long ago, traditions and beliefs. I found out that I have Romany ancestors from my paternal grandmother. I also found out that my family have a long line going way back to the Celtic tribes of what is now the UK. My ancestors were the Carvetti tribe, the area they occupied is modern day Cumbria.
I have always been different to my peers, as a child I knew things before they happened. I had dreams of things yet to happen, I understood my dreams and learnt to interpret dream meanings. I’ve never really wanted to fit in, it’s just not who I am.
Working with my guides and ancestors has given me comfort when life has thrown a whole shit show at me. I’ve also been as pissed as hell with them when things haven’t worked out in a way I’d hoped.
When I need them, I know they’re ready to come to my aid. My bloodline, my heritage, my ancient tribe. They’re behind me, they’ve got me.
People talk about paganism, witchcraft, et al. and feel that one group or another should define you. Belonging to a group, a coven, a working circle can be useful, but it can also be a pain when the in group fighting starts up. And it usually does start up. No matter how long a group has been going, there can be warring factions within that fracture the group, test the loyalties of the founding members, or those who are more recent additions. I’ve been involved with groups that have had so much drama they could give a tv soap opera a run for their money!
But define you? Should a group define who you are? I guess we are all different when it comes to answering that. Personally I don’t let a group define who I am. Especially nowadays when most group workings are done online. Can you really trust those you meet online? Even those you have known for years? There will be those who can be trusted, and those who can’t. It’s like everything else in life to be honest, some good people and some bad.
But the ancestors you choose to work with and build a trusting rapport with, they can always be relied upon. They want you to succeed. They will protect you, guide you, counsel you. You are their future. You are who they fought for, gave their lives for, worked hard for. They knew that one day someone would be born into the world and would recognise that they wanted to carry on the work they started. They stand with you. Always.
A recent discussion with someone I know online reminded me how imperative it is to have the backing of your ancestral line behind you. It’s also important to remember that ancestors don’t have to have been a witch or a wise woman. The family line isn’t always defined by witch working. My parents weren’t witches, although my Dad always had books on witchcraft, as well as other religions. My kids are, my grandchild is whether she knows it yet or not. There are wise women around 200 years ago and back in time, but those who weren’t witches in life are forces to be reckoned with, as in life so in death. They are fierce and protective.
Ancestral work can be so rewarding, but if new to the practice you should definitely give it time to gel.