Change.

Change is something that I, as a Taurean, have great difficulty with. I get way too comfortable with the way life is and I just don’t want to let go. Last week I began to let go of outdated thinking and beliefs that just weren’t true. I marvelled at how I even believed these scripts that I had allowed to run amok in my mind, causing me to doubt myself, my ability to do what I’m good at, and that I am not good enough.

The latter is something that has blighted me for a while. People poop on you and dirty your name with lies. Truth doesn’t matter when you’re labelled as the bad guy, the mud sticks. I have to admit, it got me good this last time. I believed I was wrong and not worthy of so many things.

But I have rejected this thought process. I don’t actually care anymore what small minded liars squawk about me, the truth is I am not this evil bitch doing all of these evil deeds.

I am studying for a degree. Takes up most of my time. My youngest daughter broke her hip in the summer of 2021, and has struggled with her mental health. She’s been unable to care for herself or her daughter so we’ve had our granddaughter living with us. She’s a neurodivergent child and requires full time parenting.

The point I’m making is I’ve barely had time to do much of anything. All of the above and several chronic illnesses have kept me extremely busy. Plotting against someone else and their family would require time I certainly do not have. And quite frankly, I’m actually not that person.

So I’ve struggled to believe my own self worth and probably got a little too comfortable with that whole I’m not good enough dialogue. Changing my mindset was easy enough, but putting it all into practice has been pretty S L O W going.

But last week I had a breakthrough.

The wind was howling outside, lightning was flashing, I was kinda spooked…but I also felt an energetic shift occur within me. The energy from the storm shook me up and shook loose the limiting beliefs and self doubt, and that untrue script I was repeating like a mantra. I am me, not the version people share about me. Especially when that version is nothing but lies.

So I decided I was going to make change a good friend of mine, rather than an adversary to be feared and hide from. Each time that voice of doom tries to pipe up in my head I’ll be giving it marching orders.

Carrying around a bag full of negative, limiting beliefs about myself is way too tiring. Leaving them behind and embracing the change that is waiting for me is liberating. There are so many opportunities out there, obviously requiring change, but I’m heading that way now.