“She sat at the back and they said she was shy, She led from the front and they hated her pride, They asked her advice and then questioned her guidance, They branded her loud, then were shocked by her silence, When she shared no ambition they said it was sad, So she told them her dreams and they said she was mad, They told her they’d listen, then covered their ears, And gave her a hug while they laughed at her fears, And she listened to all of it thinking she should, Be the girl they told her to be best as she could, But one day she asked what was best for herself, Instead of trying to please everyone else, So she walked to the forest and stood with the trees, She heard the wind whisper and dance with the leaves, She spoke to the willow, the elm and the pine, And she told them what she’d been told time after time, She told them she felt she was never enough, She was either too little or far far too much, Too loud or too quiet, too fierce or too weak, Too wise or too foolish, too bold or too meek, Then she found a small clearing surrounded by firs, And she stopped…and she heard what the trees said to her, And she sat there for hours not wanting to leave, For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe”
I don’t do a lot to celebrate the festivals now. I think since Covid I’m more cautious about the who, where, what of getting out and about. I’ve never done the Coven thing, too many rules for my liking. I’ve worked with groups, in person and online, and done many, many solitary activities to celebrate.
I’ve followed a traditional witch type of way for honouring the festivals, I’ve created my own activities, and there’s been times where I haven’t done anything. And that’s ok too.
Nowadays I just do what I feel is right for me at the time. For a long time I’ve been following my own path, not aligning myself with any tradition. I’m not anti tradition, my motto being you do you and I’ll do me.
This Beltane I’m having an easy day. There’s been way too much busy in my life lately and I need to slow down for health reasons. I’m just learning to tune in properly to what my body needs. Taking time to rest, heal, work things out.
Doing what feels right for you is the key to enjoying the festivals. Too much emphasis is put on people to do what “so called experts” do to celebrate. That’s ok if you want to do that. But if you would rather do your own thing, that’s absolutely fine too.
Anyway, whatever you do today, hopefully you have fun.
Change is something that I, as a Taurean, have great difficulty with. I get way too comfortable with the way life is and I just don’t want to let go. Last week I began to let go of outdated thinking and beliefs that just weren’t true. I marvelled at how I even believed these scripts that I had allowed to run amok in my mind, causing me to doubt myself, my ability to do what I’m good at, and that I am not good enough.
The latter is something that has blighted me for a while. People poop on you and dirty your name with lies. Truth doesn’t matter when you’re labelled as the bad guy, the mud sticks. I have to admit, it got me good this last time. I believed I was wrong and not worthy of so many things.
But I have rejected this thought process. I don’t actually care anymore what small minded liars squawk about me, the truth is I am not this evil bitch doing all of these evil deeds.
I am studying for a degree. Takes up most of my time. My youngest daughter broke her hip in the summer of 2021, and has struggled with her mental health. She’s been unable to care for herself or her daughter so we’ve had our granddaughter living with us. She’s a neurodivergent child and requires full time parenting.
The point I’m making is I’ve barely had time to do much of anything. All of the above and several chronic illnesses have kept me extremely busy. Plotting against someone else and their family would require time I certainly do not have. And quite frankly, I’m actually not that person.
So I’ve struggled to believe my own self worth and probably got a little too comfortable with that whole I’m not good enough dialogue. Changing my mindset was easy enough, but putting it all into practice has been pretty S L O W going.
But last week I had a breakthrough.
The wind was howling outside, lightning was flashing, I was kinda spooked…but I also felt an energetic shift occur within me. The energy from the storm shook me up and shook loose the limiting beliefs and self doubt, and that untrue script I was repeating like a mantra. I am me, not the version people share about me. Especially when that version is nothing but lies.
So I decided I was going to make change a good friend of mine, rather than an adversary to be feared and hide from. Each time that voice of doom tries to pipe up in my head I’ll be giving it marching orders.
Carrying around a bag full of negative, limiting beliefs about myself is way too tiring. Leaving them behind and embracing the change that is waiting for me is liberating. There are so many opportunities out there, obviously requiring change, but I’m heading that way now.
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