I really hate drawing attention to myself so I tend not to go all out with dressing to impress or wearing makeup regularly. I spent a long time hating who I was and what I looked like. That said, I have learnt that it is OK to love myself, just like I would love a family member, my husband, a friend. I still don’t go all out for complimenting myself, but I do think my eyes are rather nice.
*What you can’t see is me cringing at myself as I write this post! *
Where to start with this post!
I have had some really difficult times in my life.
August 1987 I was raped at knifepoint by a serial rapist and I didn’t think I would survive the attack. I was 16 years old. The days, weeks, months, even years that followed were the darkest time in my life. Coming back from that was the single most difficult thing I have ever had to do. To this day only two people, other than the police, know every graphic detail that happened to me that night, my mother, because she was present when I gave my statement to the police and when the Forensic Medical Examiner examined me, and my husband who became my boyfriend ten months later and put me back together again. I cannot talk to anyone about the attack other than to outline the briefest details. Even my friends at the time don’t know everything, it’s too graphic, too horrific. It’s something that is burned into my memory everyday and the shame and humiliation almost ate me alive. I still struggle with triggers now, nearly thirty years on.
In January 1996 I lost my third baby. I literally fell apart.
In 2002 my husband became really ill, really quickly with a heart condition that almost killed him. I was faced with becoming a widow at the age of 31. I didn’t know how I was going to cope with my grief and the grief of my 3 children. Thankfully, it never came to that, but from the appointment where the doctor told us he only had months left to live unless he had major heart surgery, until he had the operation that was a really bad time.
December 11th, 2010 my brother was rushed to hospital. He was unconscious. My mother had found him like this first thing in the morning. He had an illness called Friedrichs Attaxia, so was confined to a wheelchair. He had become unwell earlier in the week with a sickness bug. By the following evening the Drs said there was nothing more they could do, he was in a coma and was not going to wake up. He died on December 16th. His funeral was December 23rd. During our grieving my Dad became ill. He was rushed to hospital early January 2011. He never came home. He died April 26th 2011. This was a dark, dark time. I couldn’t sleep, I was terrified my husband and children would die in their sleep and I would spend all night going back and forth making sure everyone was still alive.
These have been the darkest times in my life.
This post could be full of me moaning about stuff that annoys me, but I figured that would involve too much negativity. Instead, I am going to limit the pet peeves to a couple of things:
- Bad manners. There really is no excuse!
- Drivers who do not indicate or rarely use their brakes. Again, there is no excuse!
I know, I know, this kind of thing has been done to death and I’ve taken part in my own fair share of challenges, ranging from a pic a day to a song for everyday of the year. Ah, the music blog, that saw me through a hugely difficult period in my life…..but back to this particular challenge; I have chosen to participate in this 31 day challenge, mainly because there are 31 days in this month and because I am wanting to commit to writing something on my blog everyday.
I was inspired to look on Pinterest for blogging ideas whilst I was looking for journaling ideas – I promise, that made so much sense to me! The choice on there was endless and in the end I just had to pluck an idea out and go with it. I literally could have chosen many brilliant ideas and I may refer back to some later on in the year.
This particular challenge will give an idea for each day of the month, a theme to write about and day one is all about introductions. I’m fairly sure readers know who I am, but a brief outline won’t hurt:
My name is Sue, I’m 44 years old, a Taurean. I have been married to Neil for 25 years, (together for 27), we have 3 children – 2 daughters and a son, all of whom are adults now, and we have 1 granddaughter. We have 5 fur-babies, 2 dogs and 3 cats. I have several chronic illnesses which prove challenging everyday and require me to have a sense of humour, which I’m not sure I actually have! I am a self-employed writer and am in the process of setting up my own business – more on that later. Life for me is fairly eclectic, I love so many random things that listing them would require several blog posts. I’m not sure what else could or should be said in my introduction, most of it will probably be repeated anyway over the course of the challenge.