Thankful Thursday – 31/12/20.

It’s the last day of the year.

What a year!

I know I’ve said this a lot lately, but we need to focus on the positive in our lives. Whatever your thoughts on manifestation and positive thinking, it makes so much sense to focus on the good in our lives.

So, for one last time this year, make a list of everything you have to be thankful for. The aim is to focus on the good you have encountered this year, replacing the negative thoughts that we all have focused on way too much this year.

Holiday season is upon us.

Although we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving here in the UK, for me, it always feels like the start of the holiday season.

This year we are all faced with a different kind of holiday season, a very short-lived one here in the UK.

Whilst we’ve got a hell of a lot to be thankful for, we’ve also been left facing change on a scale like we’ve never known. So with that in mind I wanted to share a cheerful song, just for fun. A few minutes of cheer.

Today I realised that….

….it’s ok for me to be happy.

That took a huge chunk of time to realise, but I no longer feel guilty for being happy. It’s ok. It’s allowed.

Wow!

Recovering from trauma and PTSD episodes is really hard, but once I let go of how I thought I should feel and just allowed myself to be……that’s when the miracles started to happen. The miracles of happiness and feeling that happiness right to my core. The miracle that I actually love who I am, and that’s how it should be. The miracle that allows me to trust people who aren’t my family.

Wow!

Be happy, start living.

Thursday’s Thought. 03/08/20.

I’ve been doing a lot of inner work during this pandemic. In fact, I dedicated this whole year to loving myself.

Love for yourself is not about being conceited, or about “bigging” yourself up whilst putting others down. It’s about learning how to love you. Learning how to respect yourself. Learning how to have self love and bolster your self esteem.

I’ve learnt a lot about myself these past few months, it’s not about apportioning blame to aspects of myself I didn’t like; it’s been about acknowledging aspects that I’m less than happy with and improving what needing working on.

I’m now in a better mindset. I choose to be positive. I set that intention for myself everyday. Sometimes the demons rear their ugly heads and it’s a real struggle, other days I breeze through the day, achieving what I need to get done.

I had an interesting conversation with someone I know a few days back. She has noticed the change in me and wanted to know if I had “got better.” She was referring to my relapse with PTSD over the last couple of years.

I honestly haven’t done anything other than get medication. I believe the medication stabilised my mood enough for me to take steps to work through the flashbacks and triggers. I’m not really having flashbacks, but I am feeling very anxious.

This pandemic has really messed with my head in so much as it has made the hyper vigilance really bad. Night time is the worst. Some nights I’m a nervous wreck, jumping and hyperventilating at the slightest noise. My sleep has been really badly affected too, I’m convinced “that person” is in my house, obviously I know he’s not.

Medication has helped me to work through stuff. It’s helped me to manage my condition using the tools and techniques my therapist taught me.

I’m not “cured” from my PTSD. I am managing it. I get frustrated at people who claim they can cure PTSD. My therapist taught me that you don’t cure it, you manage it. You can heal the wounds (often emotional) that trauma inflicted upon you, but the scars will still be there. The scars will “itch and sting” from time to time, that’s the flare up of the PTSD. And just like you would with a physical scar, you soothe it the best way you can.

This pandemic has affected so many people in so many different ways. There’s no shame in hollering for help. That’s why I made a conscious decision to greet each day with as positive a mindset as possible. It’s helped me tackle a hell of a lot of blocks and for that I’m grateful.

PTSD is a mental illness and can be very debilitating. You can be going through an active episode and still appear as though you’ve got your shit together. That, for me, signifies an improvement in my journey and that’s what I’ve been striving for over so many years.