Tuesday Tarot – 27/10/20

A reminder that we can cooperate with others without losing our sense of identity and individuality.

You can be part of something bigger and still maintain your sense of self.

Tuesday Thought – 20/10/20

There’s a huge debate going on all over England- in homes, online, in government, in the media – about whether England should go into another lockdown.

IMO no.

This isn’t a political post. This is my personal reason for why I do not want another nationwide lockdown.

My mental health buckled under the last lockdown. I was on the verge of a breakdown, all brought to the fore by lockdown.

Yes, I’m on medication now, but there’s no emotional support here once everything locks down. Everyone is dealing with their own personal crises once lockdown hits. Me saying “I’m drowning again, please help” feels very selfish when people have their own MH to worry about.

I don’t want to have to be in that dark place again. Fear having control of my life. Not being able to sleep because hyper vigilance is ramped up to the max. The four walls closing in on me, jumping at any noise outside and wondering who might be watching.

Yes, this all sounds selfish when you compare it to what’s happening with the pandemic. I just don’t know if I’ll survive another lockdown mentally.

Tuesday Thought – 06/10/20

This card came to my attention earlier and it’s really got me thinking. We could all benefit from this activity.

How often do we plan what we are going to say next? We don’t take in what the other person is saying. Listen to hear and understand, not to simply respond.

Tuesday Thought – 29/09/20

For so long I’ve hidden away when it comes to connecting with new people. Online it’s easy to hide, in real life not so much.

Last night I had a group thing to attend online, I’d said that I’d go and I meant it. I started getting panicky around 10 minutes before the event was due to start.

I was still determined to go.

As the event started I couldn’t get into the room. How easy it would’ve been to just walk away, figuratively speaking. Hiding behind technical issues is lame, but it was true.

But the organiser swapped over to zoom and I had to re-download the app – my phone archives unused and rarely used apps when it updates the software.

Again, the panic was setting in. What would people think of me? Would they judge me? I felt nervous about how I looked. How I’d sound. I didn’t feel ready or good enough. But then a voice inside me said “show up as you are”.

Showing up as I am, last night, meant no make-up, casual clothing, no voice (I’ve lost my voice due to a cold) and wearing my glasses – something I rarely do unless I can wear my prescription sunglasses.

It meant trusting in the universe. Trusting that everything would be OK. Trusting that nobody would care how I looked, or sounded.

And so I clicked join and the world didn’t end. Everything was fine. I had a good time and I’m pleased I pushed through the panic.

Showing up as we are is scary as hell, but it’s so rewarding.

Tuesday Truth – 15/09/20

Recently I’ve realised even the most well meaning people, those who claim they are forgiving and non-judging, even they fall short. It sounds quite obvious when I see the words before me, after all, none of us are perfect.

I’ll say it again: None of us are perfect.

It’s hard to forgive people who have hurt you, boy don’t I know it! But I’m the type of person who will give people a million chances, and then a million more.

People I’ve known for a long time and who I’m connected to personally, professionally, even spiritually, are some of the people I end up forgiving over and over again. We have connection. We have history. We supposedly have friendship…… I have given chances to them, even when they’ve lied about me to peers.

I have struggled with my mental health in the last three years and the ones who I thought would have my back have used my “sins” as a tool to punish me with, hence some of the lies.

I hear them preaching love and forgiveness, but I know it’s all a facade as their version of forgiveness is selective. This leads me to wondering why some people are all talk and no action, and others – usually the ones who have struggled and suffered the most – cannot bear to see other people suffering.

My “sin” is that when shit gets real for me I hide away from people who I am supposed to trust. But trust is not something I can easily slip into when PTSD comes a-calling. Trauma victims often shut down and go into survival mode, where there is no room for anyone but themselves. It isn’t personal, it’s trauma related behaviour.

I’ve been labelled as distant, cold, hard-faced, incapable of feeling, etc when I’m in survival mode. This is quite a shocking thing to hear when someone you believe has your best interests at heart says this about you.

It doesn’t help with the trust issues, but reinforces that trauma related dialogue that goes on inside your head. It reinforces your belief that you are everything your abuser or attacker said about you. It reinforces that lack of self worth you have honed over many years of hating upon yourself.

It is a very difficult cycle to break. Our minds are constantly churning out thoughts and if we allow the negative stuff free reign, it quickly takes over.

There was a time when I would believe I was unworthy of love and friendship. I would believe that if this person wasn’t willing to forgive me then I must be awful. Or if that person wasn’t willing to forgive me I must be a truly shitty human.

I know I am not.

I know I am worthy of love, happiness, friendship, peace, and much more.

I can’t change the past, it happened. I can’t change how I acted or reacted, it’s in the past. I have apologised to the people who I hurt, whether they forgive me or not is up to them. I have forgiven myself for feeling bad about how acted when I was in the midst of a PTSD episode. I have forgiven myself for acting in that way.

I believe that to truly forgive people you must first learn to forgive yourself.

Tuesday’s Thought – 08/09/20

Feeling empowered is not an indulgent whim, I think we all should embrace this feeling, and here’s why.

When you feel passionate enough about something to take action you are feeling empowered. You allow this empowerment to let you take action and make your world a better place for you and others.

We all know that 2020 has been a right doozy of a year, some have thrived whilst others have barely survived, and yet there are others who have muddled through. There is nothing wrong with anyone from any of these categories, people handle a crisis in different ways.

I’ve felt a sense of empowerment sweep over me these last few weeks and it has lead me to realise that feeling empowered is a very useful tool in a soul love teaching sort of way.

Sometimes we are led to believe that empowerment means we must jump aboard the latest trend – whatever that may be. We are led to believe that to be empowered we must be fighting for a cause greater than our own needs.

There’s nothing wrong with fighting for your own needs. There’s nothing wrong with feeling empowered about circumstances you want to change in your own life, never feel ashamed of putting yourself first. We all know the “put your own oxygen mask on first” analogy, and we can all agree that this is a wise move.

The reason this analogy gets used so much is because we all need to take care of ourselves first. We cannot pour from an empty cup. When you stop to think about this it makes total sense.

Thus it is the same when we need to feel empowered. We need to champion our own cause first and foremost. Taking care of our own needs is not selfish. How are we supposed to get truly passionate about any cause if we cannot even get passionate about our own lives?

To be empowered about improving our lives is an excellent starting point. As we move through the pandemic and other turbulent events that are happening around the world we need a sense of purpose in our own lives to get us through.

Empowerment is the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling your own life. It allows you to set healthy boundaries and really see where your energy leaks are coming from. It allows you to find purpose and manoeuvre your life towards a path that you really want it to take.

Most of all it gives you a passion for living your best life, which in turn helps you to focus on causes that are dear to your heart. That’s when you move onto being empowered about other things. But first you have to tend to yourself.

Tuesday’s Teaching – 01/09/20

If 2020 has taught us anything it is that life can change dramatically in the blink of an eye.

We are trying to rebuild our lives whilst the world is still falling apart all around us. I believe this is a must for us all, despite what this extremely weird year has brought for us.

Holding on to pain and suffering is not going to bring us our lives back as they once were. The way things were is dead and gone. We have to use the pain and suffering as stepping stones to out new way of life.

We owe ourselves that much. We owe ourselves the honour of getting to live beautiful lives. We owe it to the people who haven’t survived this crazy year.

Live life, passionately, fully, with gratitude and enjoyment. Create the life you want for yourself, use the crazy energy that this year has left to propel you forward on a new venture.

Live your life with passion.

Tarot Tuesday.

Card drawn from The Labyrinth Tarot.

Keywords: Giving, receiving, sharing wealth, generosity, charity.

This card indicates abundance, whether you’re giving it or receiving it. Abundance comes in many forms, not just financial abundance. What this card is telling us is that abundance is showing up in our lives.

If you’re on the receiving end of abundance then enjoy whatever bounty the universe is gifting you. If you’re the one being generous then this is a sure sign you are doing the right thing.