Mindfulness.

Not a lot of people know this, I’ve been referred to a neurologist as I have some concerning symptoms that need investigating. There is a concern that I MAY have MS. My appointment is tomorrow.

I’ve been very unwell with these symptoms for quite some time, hence the lack of holiday snaps, I was ill on holiday too. We went away despite me being ill because how my health is right now could be the new reality for me every day.

Drawing this card today feels very significant to me. Self care for anyone is a must. Self care for chronic illness warriors is essential as we need to check in with our body’s regularly to make sure we aren’t over doing it.

Round up of my week.

The crisis from last week continued into this week, and is still ongoing. Sometimes life throws crap at us and we can’t just deal with it there and then. It’s a good job I’m a stubborn Taurean who digs her heels in when life gets tough.

I made a decision, completely unrelated to the crisis, a couple of days ago. It is something of a personal nature and something that has been rattling around my head for a while. But wow, what a huge difference that has made to my life. Decision making can release a lot of pent up emotions that you sometimes don’t know you’re holding in.

As the weekend draws to a close I’ll leave you with a song that always surfaces in my life when the weather is hot – and it’s finally turned hot up north too.

Monday Musing.

While the world still basks in the romantic glow of love that the Royal Wedding evoked a couple of days ago, I’m reminded of my own wedding and how I often wish things had been different. My eldest daughter is also getting married soon and she has planned everything with her fiance, a far cry from what her own parents did.

When I got married I didn’t have the emotional strength to partake in the planning. I was still very much recovering from the brutal attack on me and I just had no energy to put into wedding planning. I let my own mother plan just about everything. I knew I wanted my dress made, not bought. I actually wanted to get a black dress and just be done with it, but as we had opted for a church wedding I really don’t think it would have been appropriate.

I often wonder what I would have chosen had I not been so broken. Looking back I think I would still have opted for the church, this was twenty-eight years ago – twenty-nine when it was being planned – the registry office was in a dilapidated state and I still think I wouldn’t have wanted to have my wedding there.

If I was planning a wedding now I would be looking at somewhere out in nature. In fact, I would actually get handfasted – I’d probably have a legal ceremony first, but the actual wedding would be a handfasting – a pagan style commitment ceremony. IMG_4298.JPG

 

Having said all of that, I can still remember my wedding day and it was a wonderful day; filled with love, laughter, and happiness.

Weekly Round-Up​.

My week started off very much business as usual. I am quietly working behind the scenes on many things and trying to pull all of the strings together. Some things are working well, others are just giving me a headache.

I have settled into a new way of working, albeit on a part-time basis, and that is working very well for me. I have blogged in the past about how family commitments have often got in the way of my work and how I never take my own advice with regards to this. Fast forward to where we are now and I have been forced to make these changes, all’s well that ends well, so to speak.

During the early part of my week, I now get all of the business taken care of, that leaves the latter half of the week available for the demands upon my time. It also meant that this week I was able to go to my Granddaughter’s first sports day.  She did really well. She has been saddled with the same debilitating joint condition me and my daughter have, she will be five in just over a week so it’s really hit her at an early age.

My weekends are always spent with my granddaughter, she has been sleeping over since she was a couple of months old so this is the norm for me.  We had no plans to do much this weekend, there was a bit of a crisis within the family so I never actually saw any footage of the Royal Wedding.

I am still not sure I would have watched the ceremony, I am certainly no royalist, I can take the royal family or leave them. That said, I have a healthy respect for the Queen and Princes William and Harry, so maybe if I had been around I may have succumbed to the hype that was everywhere.

I had hoped to have a little celebration on the football front, but under the circumstances, I will just quickly move on from that subject!!

This weekend has highlighted friendships for me. Those who are excellent at doing what you need of them, and vice versa, those who promise the earth but deliver absolutely nothing, and those who are no longer in your life for whatever reason.

The weekend has been a rollercoaster ride of all three types and it has left me with a very horrible feeling.  The first, those who are excellent at doing what you need and vice versa; they are the friends you can call upon (and they of you) when life has just knocked you for six. You pour your heart out to them and they know exactly what you need and they do it without even having to be asked.  The second, those who promise the earth but deliver absolutely nothing, well, I have somehow ended up in this position yet again and am trying to work out how I got here. The broken promises are all around me and I am left to look like a complete and utter fool once again.

Why do I never learn?

The last, those who are no longer in your life for whatever reason, the second category has left me reflecting on this category and I am faced with a difficult choice; do I walk away with my dignity intact, but in the process burning all of my bridges where this particular situation is concerned, or do I just keep going and let everything play out? I certainly haven’t got all of the facts that I would like to have.

Life often throws these challenges onto our paths, we have to choose whether or not we are going to sink or swim. I have always chosen to swim and I guess it’s no different now, I will keep moving forward no matter what. I may not like where I am at in regards to this matter but I am not going to let it beat me.

In all of the chaos the latter half of my week brought I did get to spend some time in nature. I’ll leave you with some of the photographs I took:IMG_4212.JPG

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