Samhain.

My life has changed dramatically this last year. Today I honour what has been good in my life and release that which no longer serves me.

I will also be doing my usual divination, it’s one of my long standing traditions on Samhain. This year I’m going to be trying these spreads.

And as always, I’ll be honouring my ancestors.

Whatever you’re doing this Samhain, I hope you have a marvellous time.

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Communication woes.

Before I get into this post, I have to point out that it isn’t about anything in my life personally, it is based upon observations I have made lately.

Whenever we post on any of our social media platforms we are saying to our friends lists, and the wider community, this is who I am. A jokey status update on Facebook can be interpreted by another as a threat, or an intention to do harm. A meme that we find hilarious can be misconstrued by another as us taking a potshot at them, in my experience I find at least one person will assume a meme I have posted is aimed at them, when it is actually something that amused me at the time and I wanted to share that humour with my friends list.

So much of what we do and say nowadays is shared on any of the social media platforms, and whilst we think it’s a great idea to share our humour with our friends and family, there will always be at least one person who finds offence in what we post. I’m always baffled when I post a meme that I find amusing that someone will either immediately share a very passive aggressive status, or message me asking if I’m ok. The same can be said when we are having a bad time, or just feel peeved with life; a status update that says you’ll be glad when the day/week/month, or whatever, is over because you are fed up with certain aspects of life, will always have at least one person assuming you’re having a pop at them.

Why??????

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been there myself, wondering if a meme or status is aimed at me. Usually I’ll just shrug it off, rarely I’ll do the whole messaging said person to see if I’ve offended them – but that’s the thing, I don’t just ask if they’re ok, I ask if I’ve upset them in any way. I can count on one hand the amount of people who have admitted something I’ve shared or done has upset them, and that’s not me bragging that I’m such an ace person, that’s me pointing out that the person concerned has had the bottle to admit to me they’ve shared a passive aggressive status about me and yes they are upset about something.

Usually though people do that whole bullshit of talking to everyone else about you, even going as far as inventing stuff you’ve done to them, just so they can feel justified in talking utter twaddle about you. I’m a straight shooter, I own my bullshit, my mistakes, my flaws. I still manage to offend people, we are all human beings after all and it’s fairly difficult to breeze through life without stepping on anyone’s toes. I always ask that people come to me if they’re offended by anything I do or say, because sometimes I believe what I’m doing or saying is inoffensive, but someone else is incensed by what I’ve said or done. And that’s ok, because like I said, we are all humans and humans make mistakes. We all see the world through different eyes and what looks and sounds like a joke to one person is highly offensive for another.

If you look at any form of entertainment these days you will find warnings attached for a variety of things, from swearing to nudity, to violence and anything else that might offend someone. Whilst I think that these warnings are fair enough, and probably warranted in a lot of content, sometimes I’m left baffled by why such a warning has been issued. It still baffles me that people get all het up over swearing, it’s just words for goodness sake! But sadly, people find swearing to be so offensive that they complain about it. OK, that’s their prerogative and absolutely their right, but what I’ve found is that a whole swathe of people offended by swearing actually turn a blind eye to things such as poverty, abuse, homophobia, racism, and anything else that actually effects us all. That’s what grinds my gears, the sort of people who complain about swearing but can’t get angry over other offensive things.

But that’s life, we are all different and all view the world from very different perspectives. I just wish people would take this on board when they see something on social media. I just wish they’d ask themselves if the poster meant it as a joke. If in doubt they should just scroll on past, but alas, the offended person will just go right ahead and make a stink up about something that isn’t really a big deal.

Facebook is a prime example of such occurrences. People will report breastfeeding mothers photos, claiming it’s nudity, yet they’ll allow photos of women who are scantily clad – and for the record neither bother me. They’ll remove posts and photos and temporarily ban someone who jokes about throttling their kids – lets face it, as parents we’ve all said similar when exasperated by our offspring! – but Facebook will not remove photos or posts of trolls saying vile things about dead babies. The list of such things is endless and is a prime example of communication woes – misunderstanding what someone has meant by saying they could throttle their child when they’ve worked themselves all day is a fairly dangerous miscommunication. A throwaway comment made by an exasperated parent could land them in trouble with the authorities all because someone reports them without fully understanding that they are not about to hurt their child.

A comment like “shoot me now” used when a person has unwittingly found themselves in an embarrassing situation can have serious repercussions, all because someone has found offence in what the poster has said. To these people I would say, “ask if you truly believe what the person is posting is true”. Of course this won’t happen because the anonymity afforded to these people means that they can wade through life reporting everything and anything they see online. My motto is simple, think about what you’ve seen, does the person in question often make remarks like this? In incidences where they’ve said something about their child, think; are they always posting photos of their child? Does the child look healthy, cared for, loved?

Common sense should always be applied when we see or hear something, sadly it is lacking, especially on social media platforms. Not being able to see how a person is behaving when they say something, not being able to hear the tone in their voice, this has removed some people’s ability to understand what is actually being said and instead they act without proper thought to what the consequences will be.

30 years is a lifetime.

The day has arrived, the one that has taunted me from the shadows for the past month. I’ve held my shit together pretty darn well I think. One wobble, that’s all I’ve had, and I have no idea what triggered it either, but it’s fine, I’m fine, it didn’t last long. I’ve thought a lot about then and now. I’ve thought a lot about why there’s even a significance this year, why I’m being so affected by it all.

30 years. I was going to say 30 years of being your victim, but I’m no longer your victim, if I’m honest I haven’t been for a very long time. You may have took something from me then, but I’ve got so much more back, I am so much more than your cowardly act could ever have imagined; taking my innocence, leaving me broken and bleeding, torn apart inside, almost dead inside. What you didn’t know was the mighty fucking warrior I had been, even then, even as a 16 year old girl with her whole life in front of her. You didn’t snuff me out. Ripping my underwear off me and forcing yourself inside of me, threatening to kill me and holding me at knifepoint to make sure you could carry out your sick attack on my innocent body. Laughing at me and spitting on me, calling me a whore, you didn’t snuff me out. When you jeered at me in the identity parade, taunting me, laughing at my emotional breakdown – even your lawyer was disgusted at you, his sympathy all for me. You didn’t expect me to remember, you thought I hadn’t seen your face, how could I ever forget such an ugly, vile soul?

YOU DIDN’T SNUFF ME OUT!!!

It may have taken me a little while, but I brought justice down on your vileness. I may have veered off my path, sunk into the depths of despair more times than I wanted to, but you didn’t snuff me out. I clawed my way back out of the hell you forced me into. I clawed my way back out of the depths of despair. I was battered and bruised on the inside, broken and empty, but you didn’t snuff me out.

You attacked me because I walked home alone, but you didn’t snuff me out.

You attached me because I wore a short skirt, but you didn’t snuff me out.

You attacked me because you wanted to feel power over women, BUT YOU DIDN’T SNUFF ME OUT!!!!

You threatened me with a knife, held it against my throat, the steel blade pushing up against my windpipe, I thought you would surely puncture my skin, BUT YOU DIDN’T SNUFF ME OUT!!!!!!!

There are things you did and said that only my husband, mother and the police know, your wickedness will not be repeated, why would I give it a voice?

I rose from the spark that you tried to snuff out, I became whole again, unafraid. I wear the emotional scars from your attack, they remind me daily how truly wicked some people are. They remind me just how far I’ve come since August 23rd 1987. I embraced my female self, because you didn’t snuff it out, you tried, but you didn’t succeed.

I AM HERE!!! I AM ALIVE!!! I AM NOT YOUR VICTIM!!! YOU DO NOT GET THAT KIND OF POWER OVER ME!!!

30 years ago you sought to destroy my life. 30 years on I am still here, alive, fighting, defying your disgusting act and being me.

I AM A FEMALE WARRIOR! YOU DID NOT SNUFF ME OUT!!!

When the ancestors listen but you don’t realise.

I’ve never worked with my ancestors, ritually speaking. I had a problem recently that needed everything I could throw at it and someone suggested working my ancestors. But I didn’t really know how, everything just felt wrong, all of the methods I’d researched just didn’t feel right for me. I ended up throwing my arms in the air and just asking out loud for them to help. I had no way of knowing if they were listening, if they’d heard me, and so I went about life and forgot all about my petition to them.

Today I was talking to a friend about synchronicity and that was when the penny dropped. Recently I’ve had a certain song play repeatedly in my head, I’d also felt the need to listen to it quite a lot. But I’ve only just made the connection as to why today; the song is The Sound Of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel, and it always, always reminds me of my Dad.

Guess the ancestors were listening after all. 😀

Insomnia Tales.

Sleep evades me. It’s almost 1:30am here in the U.K. and I’m yet to fall asleep. It’s not that I’m not tired, on the contrary, I am tired. But my body hurts. Pain makes it hard for me to get comfortable. Joints threaten to pop out of place if I don’t move carefully. The medication I take SHOULD make me sleepy, but pain won’t let me fall asleep easily.

It’s a viscous circle; I hurt all over, I’m tired and need sleep, but the pain prevents me from falling asleep and when I do fall asleep I’m awake again several times throughout the night. I start the next day exhausted, in pain, but by bedtime I can’t sleep. And on and on and on it goes.

Of course, when I can’t sleep my mind does overtime with the ridiculous thoughts and ponderings. Tonight is no exception, the innate chatter is beyond ridiculous, in the background there is heavy rain. The heavy rain leads me into a new train of thought: why does it always rain in Cumbria during the school holidays in summer?

🤔

That leads me to think of a gig in the summer of 1985 – Live Aid. Ah the memories ❤️

And that’s lead me to think how much music has played a pivotal role in my life. Throughout my childhood, my teenage years, the dark times, the happy times, music is always there for me. And that’s why I’m going to listen to a relaxing piece of music each night, in the hope that it’ll help relax me enough and help me drift off.

Tonight all I can think about is The Sound Of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel. The song has a special place in my heart, makes me think of the good times as a child with my parents.

And on that note, I bid you goodnight.

Monday Musing

Sometimes the strength within you is not a big fiery flame for all to see.
It is just a tiny spark that whispers ever so softly
“You’ve got this, keep going.."

Saw this on another blog (Purplerays) and thought it was perfect for a Monday Musing.