Top things on my bucket list.

I think the answer to this would be something like finishing ALL of the books that I have, and believe me when I say I have a lot.

There are a few places I would love to visit, America, New Zealand, Australia.

I regularly revise my bucket list, so some things that were once on there are no longer on it.  Also, new things are added quite regularly.

Last time I cried.

I can’t remember exactly when it was  – I don’t cry that much.  It was maybe 3 or 4 months ago.  I was listening to a song that always makes me think of my Dad and I had tears in my eyes. The last full on cry was sometime last year and I can’t even remember when or why.

Best Physical Features.

Seriously?

I really hate drawing attention to myself so I tend not to go all out with dressing to impress or wearing makeup regularly.  I spent a long time hating who I was and what I looked like.  That said, I have learnt that it is OK to love myself, just like I would love a family member, my husband, a friend.  I still don’t go all out for complimenting myself, but I do think my eyes are rather nice.

*What you can’t see is me cringing at myself as I write this post! *

A Difficult Time In My Life.

Where to start with this post!

I have had some really difficult times in my life.

August 1987 I was raped at knifepoint by a serial rapist and I didn’t think I would survive the attack.  I was 16 years old.  The days, weeks, months, even years that followed were the darkest time in my life. Coming back from that was the single most difficult thing I have ever had to do.  To this day only two people, other than the police, know every graphic detail that happened to me that night, my mother, because she was present when I gave my statement to the police and when the Forensic Medical Examiner examined me, and my husband who became my boyfriend ten months later and put me back together again.  I cannot talk to anyone about the attack other than to outline the briefest details.  Even my friends at the time don’t know everything, it’s too graphic, too horrific.  It’s something that is burned into my memory everyday and the shame and humiliation almost ate me alive.  I still struggle with triggers now, nearly thirty years on.

In January 1996 I lost my third baby.  I literally fell apart.

In 2002 my husband became really ill, really quickly with a heart condition that almost killed him.  I was faced with becoming a widow at the age of 31.  I didn’t know how I was going to cope with my grief and the grief of my 3 children.  Thankfully, it never came to that, but from the appointment where the doctor told us he only had months left to live unless he had major heart surgery, until he had the operation that  was a really bad time.

December 11th, 2010 my brother was rushed to hospital.  He was unconscious.  My mother had found him like this first thing in the morning.   He had an illness called Friedrichs Attaxia, so was confined to a wheelchair.  He had become unwell earlier in the week with a sickness bug.  By the following evening the Drs said there was nothing more they could do, he was in a coma and was not going to wake up.  He died on December 16th.  His funeral was December 23rd.  During our grieving my Dad became ill.  He was rushed to hospital early January 2011.  He never came home.  He died April 26th 2011.  This was a dark, dark time.  I couldn’t sleep, I was terrified my husband and children would die in their sleep and I would spend all night going back and forth making sure everyone was still alive.

These have been the darkest times in my life.

Pet Peeves.

This post could be full of me moaning about stuff that annoys me, but I figured that would involve too much negativity.  Instead, I am going to limit the pet peeves to a couple of things:

  1.  Bad manners.  There really is no excuse!
  2.  Drivers who do not indicate or rarely use their brakes.  Again, there is no excuse!

10 Favourite Songs

I absolutely love doing posts like this one.  Narrowing my favourites down to ten is going to be tricky!

  1. My absolute favourite song of all time is called Fingers of Love by Crowded House.
  2. The second song is There Is A Light That Never Goes Out by The Smiths – I want this song played at my funeral.
  3. The third song is another song I want to play at my funeral.  It is Live Forever by Oasis.
  4. Another favourite is How Soon Is Now by The Smiths.
  5. Cast No Shadow by Oasis
  6. Electrical Storm by U2
  7. Drowning Man by U2
  8. Kare Kare by Crowded House
  9. Never Tear Us Apart by INXS
  10. Down Under by Men At Work – this song is my go to song whenever I am feeling really down as it always cheers me up.