Word of the year.

I came across word of the year several years ago. Back then it was a very new and mysterious concept to me, so I paid someone to provide me with my word of the year.

The word that I was provided with didn’t really “do” much for me, I know I’d forgotten all about it by the summer.

When the winter rolled around again and people were talking about getting their word for the following year, I knew I didn’t want to pay someone – no matter how small an amount – to provide me with something I could do myself.

The very first attempt at doing this myself was me opening a dictionary at random and letting my eyes fall on the first word I saw. That word was free.

I remember spending months trying to figure out what I could possibly gain from that word, I was certain it wasn’t serving me any purpose. Even now I think I spent more time trying to figure it out than actually feeling into the energy.

The next winter I spent time quietly contemplating what word I would choose for the following year. This time I got learn. That was a word that helped me to understand where I was at on so many levels in my life. This marked the start of me successfully choosing my own word and being able to allow it to teach me throughout the year.

Just before Yule 2019 I realised I hadn’t chosen a word and then forgot all about it until the first few days of 2020 had started. I remember reading something about not making New Year’s resolutions – something I’d stopped doing many years earlier – and simply allowing yourself to love you.

I embraced this word and boy did it serve me well as the pandemic spread worldwide during the first months of 2020. I reminded myself regularly throughout the year that I was being kind and loving to myself and I believe that gave me the tools I needed to cope.

Funnily enough, I didn’t choose a word for 2021. There was a lot going on and I just never got round to it. For me, 2021 was a tougher year than 2020. It was an incredibly difficult year and really tested me on so many levels.

I decided around mid December that my word for 2022 was going to be healing. No meditation to choose it, no other weird or wonderful methods, I just decided.

Healing.

Physical. Emotional. Spiritual.

2022 is the year I will heal myself.

What I’ve found over the past few years is that choosing my own word gels better with my life. I feel more connected when I engage myself to choose. I know plenty of people swear by the service of paying someone to choose their word for them and that’s fine. Whatever works for them. I just felt it didn’t work for me and didn’t see the point in paying someone to do something I could do myself.

Each to their own.

Unlearning.

My mental health is not great right now, the joys of PTSD and hyper vigilance! I’ve been taking each day as it comes and doing what I can to be gentle with myself. Sometimes it feels like I’m doing great, other days I feel like I can’t manage to hold the demons at bay.

I’m leaning into the divine feminine, the whispers of the goddess, letting the female ways bathe me in their gentle wisdom. I’m not going to lie, some days I feel so hurt inside I’m not sure how I’ve got through. The wounds are so deep and raw, masculine energies stinging already festering wounds of shame, guilt, heartbreak, fear, pain so deep it now feels like part of who I am……

There’s a void inside of me that I haven’t managed to fill, to nurture back to wholenesses. I don’t know how to. The pain and shame come and go, the void remains. There’s a hole inside of me where all of the bad shit falls into and makes its way to the broken parts of me.

There are days I look at my life and think, how have I managed to live for 34 years beyond the apocalypse? Then there are days that bring me so much joy, they light up my life and remind me why I didn’t give in.

I’m going through a process right now. I’m unlearning all of the bad stuff people have said to me that convinced me I wasn’t worthy, I wasn’t enough.

I’ll get there, I know I will. Those bad days will end. The feelings that try to destroy me will fade. I’ll find comfort and joy and peace again, I know I will.

A Daily Om about Worth.

Worth

Your worth is not a product of your intelligence, your talent, your looks, or how much you have accomplished.Though much of who and what we are changes as we journey through life, our inherent worth remains constant. While the term self-worth is often used interchangeably with self-esteem, the two qualities are inherently different. Self-esteem is the measure of how you feel about yourself at a given moment in time. Your worth, however, is not a product of your intelligence, your talent, your looks, your good works, or how much you have accomplished. Rather it is an immeasurable and unchanging manifestation of your eternal and infinite oneness with the universe. It represents the cornerstone of the dual foundations of optimism and self-belief. Your worth cannot be taken from you or damaged by life’s rigors, yet it can easily be forgotten or even actively ignored. By regularly acknowledging your self-worth, you can ensure that you never forget what an important, beloved, and special part of the universe you are. 

You are born worthy — your worth is intertwined with your very being. Your concept of your own self-worth is thus reinforced by your actions. Each time you endeavor to appreciate yourself, treat yourself kindly, define your personal boundaries, be proactive in seeing that your needs are met, and broaden your horizons, you express your recognition of your innate value. During those periods when you have lost sight of your worth, you will likely feel mired in depression, insecurity, and a lack of confidence. You’ll pursue a counterfeit worth based on judgment rather than the beauty that resides within. When you feel worthy, however, you will accept yourself without hesitation. It is your worth as an individual who is simultaneously interconnected with all living beings that allows you to be happy, confident, and motivated. Because your conception of your worth is not based on the fulfillment of expectations, you’ll see your mistakes and failures as just another part of life’s journey.  

Human beings are very much like drops of water in an endless ocean. Our worth comes from our role as distinct individuals as well as our role as an integral part of something larger than ourselves. Simply awakening to this concept can help you rediscover the copious and awe-inspiring worth within each and every one of us.

A change of opinion….

I have always considered Mercury retrograde to be a time where I am going to be confused, a time where there are delays, technology not working for me, traffic jams, and general annoyances. But recently I read something that made me stop and think.

What if we were looking at Mercury retrograde all wrong?

What if we use this time to pause and reflect? What if we use this time to just be still? No big decisions, no major life choices, just looking at where we’ve been in life over the last few weeks or months. Just assessing everything and making sure we are where we want to be, and if not, planning what steps we need to take to get there.

I think a lot of us have got caught up in the mercury retrograde hype and tend to focus on what can go wrong instead of how we can use the energies to enhance our lives.

I still think the communication and technology glitches will occur, but I’m going to do my best to use the energies in a positive way rather than see them as a bad and negative thing.

Monday Musing- 06/09/21.

Last night I saw a comment on Facebook that really made me think. It was from a woman who had posted a photograph of herself after she’d had fake eyelashes done and Botox. Now, that’s not my cup of tea, but one of the comments she made in reply to a friend complimenting her kinda made me smile.

I’m paraphrasing here, but her comment was something like she is beautiful inside and out and the “work” she gets done is to enhance her outer and inner beauty.

I used to be rather critical of people who wanted to get their lashes, or their lips done. Or get Botox, or breast enhancements. But do you know what, it’s not really anyone else’s business is it. If this kind of “work” helps a woman feel at her best then that’s the main thing.

Cheerleading other women is my jam now, and it’s hard some of the time, especially when that woman might rub me up the wrong way, or if she makes questionable choices. But we have enough on our plates trying to get on in this world with patriarchal rules trying to keep us small.

So what if we women make choices about OUR bodies! They’re our bodies, they belong to us and if we want to get any kind of enhancement then so be it. If we feel the need to terminate a pregnancy, then so be it. Men, and women who act like men have no right to dictate what we do with our bodies.

We should always be in full control of what happens to us – and this applies to men too. By focusing on ourselves rather than everyone else we get to take our power back and make choices for us rather than for what anyone else thinks, or wants us to do for their benefit.

Stand strong and be proud.

Monday Motivation – 12/07/2021.

I agree with this so much. Recently I was mulling over some work related choices and some of my reasoning left me feeling deflated. A voice inside my head kept telling me to do what makes me happy. It’s vital to follow your heart.

The problem we have, myself included, is that we think things through, again, and again, and again. It’s this over thinking that trips us up. It leads us down the path of self doubt, then onto feeling like we aren’t worthy, like we’re not good enough.

That’s when we give up. We have talked ourselves out of something that would be have been oh so good for us. And what for? The reason is we didn’t trust our inner knowing. We didn’t trust our gut.

Listen to your heart ❤️