There’s a buzz in the air. We have sprung forward – aka moving into BST. Plus, we are now moving into the start of what our Prime Minister terms his roadmap out of lockdown.
It made me sit up and think yesterday. It is the time to be seen out in the world. We cast off our winter blues, our thoughts turn to sunny days and maybe, just maybe, being allowed to meet up with family and friends we haven’t seen in however long.
And all of this requires us to be seen, obviously.
Being seen is a normal part of life. We venture out into the world and are seen by those who we pass in the street. By those who we share public transport with. By those who we work with. It’s normal and we don’t pay it much heed.
There are those of us who have suffered terribly because of things that have happened to us. There are those of us who have anxiety disorders. Fear of going outside. Fear of being seen.
For me it is all about being seen because of a traumatic experience. I have spent over thirty years believing people were judging me because of what happened to me. They weren’t, they didn’t even know, but my hyper-vigilant mind had me believing that there were threats everywhere around me, and that everyone I saw was forming an opinion of me based on what happened.
When I finally broke free of that never ending cycle of fear I was left with a gaping big hole in my thought process. The idea was to fill that hole with positive thoughts, reinforcing what I had learnt in therapy. Only that somehow didn’t happen. I found myself gazing at what my therapist termed the wounded child. She was kind of healed, but she – me – I had no idea of who the hell I was.
The work we did when my therapy was nearing completion was geared to help me understand that for thirty odd years I had been emotionally trapped. Sixteen year old me was the forty odd year old me. Emotionally I had remained that age because I hadn’t processed one of the major parts of my trauma – the threat of being killed.
When my therapist had me reliving the attack over and over again I remembered things I hadn’t even processed. They were stuck. Inside of my head. Keeping me perpetually in fear. Always scanning for the threat. Never wanting to be seen. Needing to be invisible.
I have done the work on this issue. I have continued to do the work on this issue. It is a work in progress.
When Covid hit the UK I was just finishing my therapy, just getting started on dong the inner work that was required for me to continue to heal. I had a setback. The restrictions felt like I was being forced into doing something I didn’t want to do (please understand here that I fully understood the lockdown rules and the restrictions, I am just describing how I felt from a recovering from trauma POV). The threat of a deadly virus felt like the spectre of a ghost from my past. Enter hyper-vigilance once more.
This caused a breakdown. I was given medication and offered therapy once more. The latter I didn’t take, this time. The lockdown meant I would have to wait a considerable amount of time to see the lovely lady who has helped me so much. By the time she could see me again I didn’t even want to consider what state my mental health would have been in. So I began to work on myself using the tools she taught me.
The conclusion has been who the hell am I?
Well, in a few short weeks I will be 50 years old. A lifetime has passed between me of now and me from then. After a lot of inner work, facing my demons, and truths, realising I am not who people perceive me to be, accepting I am becoming who I want to be, and realising that I will be seen when I venture out into the world, and being absolutely OK with that.
That monster from the past has been dealt with. Yeah, he’s going to pop into my head,, probably several times a week, if not daily. But I don’t have to let his sneering face into my beautiful mind view. He didn’t conquer me. I lived. I maybe thought I hadn’t, but I did. I found love. I had a family. I have created so many beautiful moments in my life. Created stories that one day the world will see. Created a vision for women who have suffered what I have.
Springing forward this year feels so much brighter than last year. The year the was hell actually helped to heal me. I am different person. I am not who most people perceive me to be. I am not who social media portrays me to be – sometimes at the hand of others.
I am me and proud to be me.
What a really positive card and a great start to the week!
The energy and your emotions are building, the sky is the limit, your dreams can come true. Keep moving forward as your goal is in sight.
I think this is a great card, coming right after Mercury has gone direct. The time is now to plan and do. There’s always a sense of hurriedness once Mercury has begun moving forward, but slow and steady wins the race, remember that when the current energies are urging you to move, move, move.
What a great start to the week!
This card, for me on a personal level, has come at a crucial stage in my life. The past has held me back and I’ve been afraid to move forward for fear of hurting the feelings of someone.
But that’s the past and I’m not going that way anymore.
Letting situations go is never an easy thing to do. We always feel safe in the tried and tested, why would we unsettle everything?
But it is in the unsettling that we find our voice, often find out who we really are, not who we are pretending to be for the sake of others.
Embrace change. Let things go. Move forward knowing it is the right step for you to take.
Mercury is retrograde, a time when communications have a habit of becoming fraught with problems, among other things. This card has shown up now to remind us that communication is key.
In everything we do we communicate with others on some level. This card is letting us know that we can have that chat we have been meaning to have, without fear of being ignored or unheard.
Remember, relationships aren’t just romantic, they are our family and friends too. Even our work colleagues, or peers. We can have loving communication with any of these people, this card is showing us that the time is now.
So if you need to tell someone something, you can be sure this is the time to have that chat and say all you need to say.
Ooh how appropriate. The theme for February is love, so if your love life could do with some attention this card is for you.
Love and relationships aren’t just about romantic love. Love can be self love, familial love, just about anything really.
Libra is the sign of balance. Of harmony. The new moon always heralds new starts, new beginnings. Together they signify a harmonious and balanced new start.
Wherever the scales have tipped too far, know now that are coming back to centre once more. Love. Family. Work. Friendship. It’s all about to come back to centre.
Drawing this card is a very positive sign indeed. There’s a sense of energy building, so whatever you’re working towards keep it going, you’re on the right track.
The moon is telling you here that you are on the right track as this is a very auspicious time when energy is building up each day. Use this energy to build the momentum towards your desired outcome, the universe has your back.
The message from this card is loud and clear – LET IT GO!!!
There’s a lot of talk at the moment that what the cosmos has in store for us is all about letting the negative stuff go. The people, the situations, the negative self talk, it all has to go.
Perhaps you need a cleanse before the richness of Yule and Christmas descends. This certainly would be a good time to do this. Perhaps there have been arguments or tensions between you and someone close, a friend, family, a lover…. time to let the harshness go and clear the air.
Whatever is going on in your life right now, know that the heavy, angsty feelings are at last coming to an end.
Let it all go.
Your cleanse can be a simple smudge of yourself, your home, your workspace, your relationship. You’re making way for peace and positivity to enter your life.
Let it be so.