Tune for Tuesday.

I’ve somehow let someone dull my shine, I’d stopped believing in myself. Then a friend reminded me I’m not the person I’d been left feeling like. The song I’m humming today reflects the sentiment she’s reminded me of.

When the ancestors listen but you don’t realise.

I’ve never worked with my ancestors, ritually speaking. I had a problem recently that needed everything I could throw at it and someone suggested working my ancestors. But I didn’t really know how, everything just felt wrong, all of the methods I’d researched just didn’t feel right for me. I ended up throwing my arms in the air and just asking out loud for them to help. I had no way of knowing if they were listening, if they’d heard me, and so I went about life and forgot all about my petition to them.

Today I was talking to a friend about synchronicity and that was when the penny dropped. Recently I’ve had a certain song play repeatedly in my head, I’d also felt the need to listen to it quite a lot. But I’ve only just made the connection as to why today; the song is The Sound Of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel, and it always, always reminds me of my Dad.

Guess the ancestors were listening after all. 😀

Insomnia Tales.

Sleep evades me. It’s almost 1:30am here in the U.K. and I’m yet to fall asleep. It’s not that I’m not tired, on the contrary, I am tired. But my body hurts. Pain makes it hard for me to get comfortable. Joints threaten to pop out of place if I don’t move carefully. The medication I take SHOULD make me sleepy, but pain won’t let me fall asleep easily.

It’s a viscous circle; I hurt all over, I’m tired and need sleep, but the pain prevents me from falling asleep and when I do fall asleep I’m awake again several times throughout the night. I start the next day exhausted, in pain, but by bedtime I can’t sleep. And on and on and on it goes.

Of course, when I can’t sleep my mind does overtime with the ridiculous thoughts and ponderings. Tonight is no exception, the innate chatter is beyond ridiculous, in the background there is heavy rain. The heavy rain leads me into a new train of thought: why does it always rain in Cumbria during the school holidays in summer?

🤔

That leads me to think of a gig in the summer of 1985 – Live Aid. Ah the memories ❤️

And that’s lead me to think how much music has played a pivotal role in my life. Throughout my childhood, my teenage years, the dark times, the happy times, music is always there for me. And that’s why I’m going to listen to a relaxing piece of music each night, in the hope that it’ll help relax me enough and help me drift off.

Tonight all I can think about is The Sound Of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel. The song has a special place in my heart, makes me think of the good times as a child with my parents.

And on that note, I bid you goodnight.

Aha moments.

You know when you get that lightbulb moment in your head, everything just starts to make sense and you’re left wondering why you haven’t had this thought process, this feeling you’re having now, you’re wondering why you haven’t thought and felt like this before.  Well, I’m doing my Soul Love work and stumbled upon a practice that led me to a revelation.

To cut a long story short I was doing something that required me to hit shuffle and play on my playlist and the three songs hit me right in my truth centre – a.k.a your gut, or your solar plexus.  One song in particular caused the aha moment.  The song used to mean something very different to me.  The song – Don’t Dream It’s Over by Crowded House – used to remind me that the trauma I was suffering from was over, you see, I used to suffer terribly with PTSD and would have the most horrendous nightmares.  The song always reminded me that I was moving forward, away from the attack and the subsequent trauma and that I really could rebuild my life.

Today, however, when I heard the song, certain lyrics actually jumped right out at me.  That was when the lightbulb moment struck and the song actually started to hold a different significance.  No longer does it remind me that I am not stuck in that moment anymore,  now it is reminding me that the work I am doing with Soul Love is relevant, is important, and is very much needed.

Working in circle with other women I am discovering that we share similar truths and stories and that as women we are demanding to be heard, and at that particular moment when I was listening to the lyrics a new truth pushed itself forward and demanded I listen and take note.

The truth?

The truth is that I am embracing myself as a woman, a woman who has a voice and who has important work to do out there in the world.  A woman who is not going to take the shit that so many people – especially men – throw at me.  My truth is not about chasing people, nor is it about being the gopher for people who won’t  – notice I say won’t and not can’t  – do things for themselves.  The latter being one of the things that has held me back for so long, the demanding of my time for their needs because they don’t want to take care of them for themselves.

I am OK with the fact that people are going to get mad with me for this.  I’m OK with the fact that people are going to distance themselves from me because  they think what I am saying is crazy, or out there…..but I am absolutely at peace with this.