Thursday Thoughts – 17/09/20

Something I get asked about quite often is “can I fix my reputation?” Those who ask are adult women who have had negative comments and lies spread about them, thus ruining their reputation.

It isn’t just school yard gossip, you would think once people had left school they would be adult enough not to resort to such actions. But the advent of social media has given people a platform on which to spew their gossip and lies.

It’s alarming to think that adults would resort to such tactics to harm the reputation of someone whom they dislike, or just act maliciously to remain popular.

Often people get told just to ignore the rumours and lies and gossip that has been spread about them, after all, this is what we are always told to do from an early age.

Quite frankly, I think this is part of the problem. That old adage sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me is used from the formative years of our lives. We are being told to accept the bad behaviour of other people and just carry on as normal.

That never really works.

Once we reach adulthood we have a distorted sense of what is right and wrong when it comes to how we should treat other people, and how we should react – or not act. When we decide to take matters into our own hands and retaliate with some home truths about the gossip, we become the bully.

So is it any wonder people are seeking to repair their reputation?

I’ve talked to quite a few people about this and the jury is still out. There are those people who want more than anything to repair the damage to their reputation, and there are those people who shrug it all off. Either way is fine and neither way is better than the other.

I’ve found that a sullied reputation can often be based on gossip, lies, and misinformation. It isn’t necessarily always lies that ruin a person’s reputation either, quite often it is a lack of the correct information about the person or their circumstances that lead to gossiping and the ruin of their reputation.

It’s not always worth the time and effort to go around fixing your reputation, especially for strangers. They are unlikely to know much, or even care what is being shared about you.

But what about people you don’t know, but are connected to you through work, your personal life, the school where your children attend? Maybe it is worth fixing your image. Shying away from the problem isn’t going to make it go away, so proceeding down this route is probably the best option for you.

If you want to proceed with fixing your reputation then you should start a damage control campaign. But how do you go about this?

First and foremost you really need to assess the situation. You need to take stock of what is being said about you and look at why. If you have acted in the wrong make sure you apologise for your behaviour. Admitting you are wrong and owning up to your mistakes is a great action step, proving you are sincere in your efforts to rectify the situation.

If you have been acting in a negative way towards someone, or if you are acting in a harmful way then this needs to stop immediately. You need to be acting from a place of truth and in order to do so you must put all negative behaviour behind you and focus on acting in a positive way.

The next step is to ask for feedback from your family and trusted friends. Ask them if you have acted in the wrong, do they believe this was intentional, or do they know you made a mistake? Tell them what is happening, as upsetting as it might be to repeat any lies or half-truths about yourself, sharing them with someone you trust really helps determine if it is a case of misinformation about you, or indeed lies and gossip.

Start a DAMAGE CONTROL CAMPAIGN/REPUTATION REPAIR PLAN as soon as possible. Write down an actionable plan that you can work on to show you in the best possible light.

Own up to any mistakes and misunderstandings you have made. Sometimes what we don’t know or understand can lead to us being gossiped about, which isn’t really fair, but it happens nevertheless. If you’re in the wrong, own it.

Make amends for any mistakes, misunderstandings, or negative behaviours you have engaged in. This is quite a tough one. Sometimes people aren’t willing to give us a second chance, or they don’t believe that we really did act unintentionally. All you can do is stay positive, act positive, and keep on showing that you are not your mistakes.

It’s always worthwhile in engaging in positive behaviour. This can shed doubt on any untrue claims and lies someone is making about you. Act kindly. Be positive. Do good deeds. Actions like this show that you are sincere. But don’t give up if you don’t succeed at first. Some people will think that what you are doing is all an act and they will be waiting for you to make a mistake.

Don’t gossip or bad mouth people. This can be really tempting to do, especially when someone is letting rip about you. If needs be, take a break from social media. Change your social circle if the gossip is happening within it. Remember, everyone will be watching you, waiting for you to set a foot wrong, so let your best self shine through.

And finally, it is worthwhile to remember that sometimes a bad reputation is more about the person doing the damage than it is about you. It doesn’t stop the hurt though.

Always be kind. It costs nothing.

Tuesday’s Teaching – 01/09/20

If 2020 has taught us anything it is that life can change dramatically in the blink of an eye.

We are trying to rebuild our lives whilst the world is still falling apart all around us. I believe this is a must for us all, despite what this extremely weird year has brought for us.

Holding on to pain and suffering is not going to bring us our lives back as they once were. The way things were is dead and gone. We have to use the pain and suffering as stepping stones to out new way of life.

We owe ourselves that much. We owe ourselves the honour of getting to live beautiful lives. We owe it to the people who haven’t survived this crazy year.

Live life, passionately, fully, with gratitude and enjoyment. Create the life you want for yourself, use the crazy energy that this year has left to propel you forward on a new venture.

Live your life with passion.

Moonday Cards – 24/08/20

What an amazing card to draw today!

This card is telling us to keep going, what we want/desire is within reach. Don’t give up now, you’ve come this far.

Stay focused on what you want. Just because you can’t see your dreams, doesn’t mean that they aren’t manifesting. Stay focused on moving forward, towards your goal.

This card teaches us that to achieve our goals we have to put the work in and make sure we are actually working towards them. It tells us that so long as we do this, we will manifest what we want.

Manifesting is a great way to actually get the life we want, but we need to put the leg work in on our side too. We need to understand that the universe/fate/goddess/god, etc does not just give us the life we want. We have to do the work too.

But manifesting our goals can and does take time. If you decide you want to move into a house that is twice as big as you have now, it is going to take some work.

This is where the card is showing us that dreams can become reality and giving up isn’t the best option. Hanging in there is worth it. As this card suggests.

Sunday soother. 16/08/20

I always used to do my weekly self care on a Sunday; lots of journaling, meditating, checking in with myself, etc.

Then my granddaughter was born and my daughter was getting out of a very violent and dangerous relationship with her baby’s father. We stepped up and took on the role of second parent to make sure they both thrived. My self care routine was halved as I just didn’t have time anymore.

When my PTSD flared back up I found it was essential to take care of myself properly. Easier said than done. It’s taken a lot of setbacks, therapy, anti-depressants, in-depth journaling, and much, much more for me to get to this point.

I’m the best I have been in years, emotionally. I give thanks to everyone who has stuck by me, helping, understanding and so on. It’s been a rough ride.

This is why Sunday soothers is important to me. It helps me check in with myself. I also hope it helps you do the same. Even five minutes is better than not at all.

Take time for you today.

Thought For Thursday. 13/08/20

Today I thought I would add my opinion into the mix, my opinion on wearing face coverings. Although it isn’t a new subject, it remains controversial for a number of reasons.

On the whole I agree that face coverings should be worn when in highly populated areas, such as shops, hospitals, even pubs – the latter is one area where here, in England, you are not required to wear one.

I must admit that baffles me. Obviously, you couldn’t wear a face-covering whilst eating or drinking, but I do believe you should wear one as you enter the establishment, and if you use the restroom, and upon leaving. To my knowledge as it stands right now, this is not a requirement, the Government guidance suggests it is up to each establishment whether they ask customers to wear a mask until they are eating or drinking.

The debate rattles on about which masks work, and which don’t, which may cause you to be more at risk, and which masks are beneficial to those who have breathing problems.

It is the latter I want to discuss.

Do we, the ordinary people – so not law enforcement officers, or health professionals, or even retail workers – have the right to challenge another person who is not wearing a mask?

My younger daughter is severely asthmatic, and yes is a higher risk of complications should she get COVID-19. But after an in-depth discussion with her doctor, she was advised not to wear a mask. She had tried on several occasions to wear her mask, and each time she became very breathless and had to remove the mask and take her inhaler.

She has a card that states she is exempt – on the advice of her doctor, who also told her that at the moment Government advice is that medical professionals are not required to provide patients with proof of exemption. Apparently, the onus is on each person to explain why they are exempt, and, should they feel the need, get themselves a card that says they are exempt.

The issue I have here is that anyone who just refuses to wear a mask could purchase an exemption card, claiming to be exempt. This leaves room for those who want to flout the face mask law able to do so without fear of being reprimanded. Yes, OK, shops, public transport, and so on can refuse those who are not wearing a mask entry into their establishment, but there are plenty of places where this rule is not being adhered to.

When my daughter was shopping at the supermarket last week she was asked by a member of the public why she wasn’t wearing a mask. He said to her “What makes you so special that you don’t have to wear a mask?” She showed him her exemption card, explained why she wasn’t wearing one and told him what her doctor had said.

We have entered muddy waters now, having to explain why we aren’t wearing a mask. Suspicions are running high, there are those who suspect anyone not wearing a mask to be nothing more than selfish. Medical grounds, both physical and mental, people who rely on lip-reading, to name but a few are some reasons for exemption.

Being labelled selfish for not wearing a mask suggests that we don’t care for those who do. There is a multitude of reasons why many people are not covering their faces, and generally, these are not because they do not care about the health of other people.

Next time you are out and about and you see someone not wearing a face-covering, before you jump to judgement, remember that some people have a medical reason for not wearing one.

Review of Comfortably Uncomfortable: The Road To Happiness Isn’t Always Paved by Jacquelyn Phillips.

Raw, real and honest.

A book that guides you to face off with your fears and issues and gets into the dark places inside of you, shining a light for you on your journey of self-discovery.

Jacquelyn Phillips has ripped open her soul for all to see in this wonderfully written book. She delves into ALL OF HER ISSUES, showing us how they had crept upon her, how she had avoided owning them, and then how she faced them and finally started working through them.

Jacquelyn discusses the various treatments she has undergone over the years, detailing her opinion on whether they are effective or not. This, for me, was very refreshing. Many books of this genre will suggest a certain treatment, but rarely do you hear if the treatment is a waste of time. Obviously this is the author’s viewpoint and will not reflect everyone, but for me, I think her honesty is much needed in this field.

Throughout the book Jacquelyn references her relationship with her Mom. This pulled-back the curtain view into their personal lives is heartbreaking at times, but also offers hope to people who struggle with toxic family relationships.

The book is in three parts. The first part is all about Jacquelyn opening up Pandora’s Box getting all of her troubles and issues out into the open. This section may be uncomfortable reading, but it is absolutely necessary for us to understand how the next two parts work.

Part Two is all about the clean up phase. Here she shares the letters she wrote to her parents as part of her healing process. Those letters are raw and emotive, and they certainly don’t make for easy reading. But there is something beautiful in her words that leave you feeling the release and relief.

Part Three is all about turning pain into power. As someone who has a chronic illness, Jacquelyn has not only used her emotional pain to push her on, but her physical pain too. This is not the sort of book that preaches, it’s aimed at guiding the reader to find their self worth.

Given the difficult topics discussed in this book, I wasn’t sure if I would actually enjoy reading it. But I was surprised to find that this was a book I actually did enjoy reading.

I found this book inspirational and would recommend it.

https://reedsy.com/discovery/book/comfortably-uncomfortable-jacquelyn-phillips

Monday Musings. 20/04/2020.

I’ve racked my brains all day for something uplifting and inspiring to say to you all. I have nothing. I’m struggling emotionally and I’m finding lockdown is triggering me.

From me and Storm I hope you all have a wonderful week and give yourself the time and space you need to just be.

Don’t look at me man, I’ve got nothing either 🤷‍♀️